


Pillow Talk

by FallingLikeThis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sexual Content, Sexuality Crisis, Top Louis, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:32:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingLikeThis/pseuds/FallingLikeThis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“So, do you think I should… find someone to fool around with?” Harry asks, nervous again. “To see if I like it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Louis swallows hard but hopes he covers it pretty well with a casual shrug. “I mean, it would probably help to know that you actually want everything that goes along with being with a guy. If you can’t handle the machinery, it’s probably not for you, you know?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry nods and appears to be steeling himself. Louis tenses, afraid that he knows what’s coming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Would you do it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do what?” Louis plays dumb. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harry has to take another deep breath before he can say it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Will you help me figure out if I like it? Being with a boy?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p> Or When Harry starts having confusing feelings for a male classmate, his sister's best friend, Louis, helps him figure himself out. Cue lots of kissing, sex, and falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pillow Talk

**Author's Note:**

> author's note: I'm the slowest writer ever and this has been so long in the making, I just hope everyone likes it as much as I've loved writing it.  
> Also, this is for wildhalos. I don't know if you remember but you prompted this for the h/l summer fic exchange in 2014. I wrote a different fic for you then but promised this one too. Here it is. Sorry so late.  
> Thank you to everyone who has looked over this for me in all the time I've been writing it. Cathy, Sam, Zoe, Michelle, Kate, Emma, Jo. And a special thank you to Sam for the brit pick. :) 
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT: I removed this as a tag because I was afraid it was scaring people away. There is literally **one** line about Harry getting a girl off with his fingers. That's actually exactly what it says, he "gets her off with his fingers". That's all it is and it's at the very beginning of the fic so it's over very quickly. Just didn't want to leave anyone unaware in case it's an absolute dealbreaker.
> 
> Amazing graphic done by [girlharryofficial](http://girlharryofficial.tumblr.com/) can be found [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1X7YZj1fygbNXdNRllERkVFV1E/view).

 

  **Pillow Talk**

 

There comes a point in every boy’s life when he has to wonder if his appreciation for Zayn Malik’s cheekbones is just that, a passing appreciation for a universal standard of beauty. Or if maybe, there’s something _more_ going on.

Harry Styles is having that moment right now. He’s verging on sloppy-drunk with a girl between his legs giving him a blowjob in the darkened corner of his mate Niall’s basement make-out party, and he’s somehow managed to end up with a perfect view of the boy in question. He can only figure that it has something to do with the alcohol rushing through his bloodstream and manages a small ‘thanks’ to whatever deity saw fit to let him keep control of his limbs long enough to get to said dark corner before the girl was pulling him out of his trousers and swallowing him down. But as he’s trying to lose himself in the awfully nice sensation of a girl going down on him, he can’t keep his eyes from drifting back to Zayn every few minutes.  He’s standing there talking to Harry’s friend Liam, both boys with an impatient girl tucked under their arm waiting for the boys to stop talking so that they can find their own darkened area to get down and dirty in. Harry’s pretty sure that there are people going all the way on every side of him and that just makes his thoughts that much dirtier, like wondering what those chiseled cheeks of Zayn’s would look like hollowed around Harry’s cock.

Zayn is incredibly fit, also incredibly straight. At least, Harry’s seen him with plenty of girls and absolutely no blokes whatsoever in the sexual sense. But Harry’s eyes keep training on Zayn’s smiling lips as he jokes with Liam across the room. His surprisingly plump, soft-looking lips that Harry is suddenly curious to know the texture of. And that’s strange, right? To be thinking about a bloke while a pretty girl has his dick between her lips.

Harry closes his eyes; hopes that will help him get his mind in the right place to enjoy this fully. He can almost feel the burning sensation coiling just behind his navel that he knows he gets when he’s close to coming. _Almost_.  But he can’t quite get there. And that’s when he’s assaulted with a barrage of images of Zayn behind his closed lids. Zayn smirking at Harry when he’d tripped on the way into school yesterday before Zayn was throwing down his cigarette and helping Harry pick up his books, the look on Zayn’ face when he had seen Harry for the first time after school started up again in August. There was something in his eyes that Harry couldn’t read and it had unsettled him in confusing ways even then. Then, there was last Thursday when Zayn was straddling his motorcycle in the car park, waiting for someone as he flaunted his cheekbones and chiseled jaw sucking on yet another cancerstick as he waited, looking like a rebellious Adonis. That image had made Harry a bit hot under the collar for reasons he didn’t understand just then, still does if the growing sensation deep in his belly is any indication.

And then he’s coming with a moan.

He doesn’t moan the girl’s name, he’s not even sure he remembers it. He tries to as he makes out with her and gets her off with his fingers because it’s only polite to return the favour. But really he’s wondering if he should even bother because isn’t it just as rude, if not more so, to be thinking of someone else as he does it? Well, he supposes, it’s not so bad if she doesn’t know. Whoever she is…

 

~*~*~*~

 

The things is, Harry’s preoccupation with Zayn seems to linger even after the party’s over. _Days_ , _weeks_ after. He catches himself watching Zayn from the corner of his eye quite bit and wonders vaguely if this is something he needs to address, something he has to sit down and take the time to figure out about himself. The answer is a giant, resounding _yes_ when things get a bit dodgy in the changing room after p.e. one day.

Zayn has just come out of the showers (though on principal, he doesn’t _actually_ participate in p.e., just tries to look like he does) and he’s walking to his locker with a towel around his waist when Harry bumps into him.

He was trying to tie his towel around his own waist and walk at the same time, a feat someone as clumsy as Harry Styles should never attempt, much less hope to accomplish successfully. And now, he finds himself sprawled on the floor, towel only just covering his privates in a haphazard way as he looks up at Zayn. His eyes catch on a drop of water and watch it trail down Zayn’s slim yet unfairly muscular torso before he realizes that Zayn is watching him, hand outstretched in an offer of help as Harry’s dick begins to fatten under his towel.

Harry panics, eyes widening as he realizes what’s happening before he pushes himself up, ignoring Zayn’s hand, and rushes into an empty toilet stall.

The mortification is enough that his dick falls flaccid again rather quickly as he sits, head in hands, and can’t stop his brain from running over the situation again and again as he waits for the changing room to clear out.

Once he’s alone, Harry hurries to his locker to pull on his clothes and, grabbing his bag, runs from the room before the football team shows up to get ready for practice.

If there’s anything that Harry can be grateful for, it’s that p.e. is his last class of the day so that he can hurry home and begin the process of figuring out what the hell is wrong with him.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Later that night, when he’s on the phone with his sister Gemma during her weekly call from uni, Harry considers telling her what is going on with him. That he thinks he’s having a crisis of sexuality. Don’t get him wrong, girls are lovely. He _loves_ girls, and he’s quite the charmer, ask anyone. But his reactions to Zayn’s mere presence lately have been more than a little confusing. And Gemma has always been there for him, she’s the best sister he could have asked for really. But before he can get the words out, she’s asking about Louis Tomlinson and how he’s doing now that he’s returned to Holmes Chapel, her voice full of concern and Harry’s thoughts derail a bit. Because, Louis is _Gemma’s_ friend. Her best friend who Harry had thought was at uni _with_ Gemma.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks slowly. “I thought Louis was at Manchester, with you.”

“No,” Gemma tells her brother sounding frustrated. “His mother and stepdad got divorced over the summer and his mum is, well, it’s just hard on her… and Louis’ sisters. So, he transferred to be closer to home and help his mum out. Why do you not know this? I _told_ him to let you and mum help him out.”

“Well, if I remember Louis correctly, he was always a bit stubborn, wasn’t he?” Harry drawls in answer but his mind is somewhere else. Like drudging up memories of Louis: sarcastic, funny, bullheaded, _gay_ Louis Tomlinson, who is both a friend of the family and undeniably attractive.

“Harry, do me a favour and go offer to help, would you? I’m sure they could use it,” Gemma pleads. There is no half-way in a friendship with Gemma Styles, once she loves you it becomes her responsibility to make sure that you are taken care of. Whether you like it or not.

“Sure,” Harry agrees easily. He likes Louis. Has always had a sort of hero-worship thing going on with him. So, he’ll happily offer to give of his time and energy to help the lad out. And maybe, the thought strikes him suddenly, he can ask Louis to help him out with something as well.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Even when he was baking the macaroons that sit on the plate he’s holding nervously as he stands in front of Louis Tomlinson’s front door, Harry had argued with himself about asking Louis for a favour. Especially one this huge. He doesn’t want to seem like he’s only offering to help in exchange for something.  He makes his decision before he presses the doorbell. He’s not going to ask.

His resolve wavers when the door swings open to reveal a boy with brilliant blue eyes shining with a touch of mischief, lightly tanned skin, and sinful cheekbones. He remembered that Louis was attractive but he didn’t remember that he was _this_ beautiful.

“Harry Styles. What are you doing here?” Louis asks with a rueful grin and Harry knows that Louis has guessed the answer to his own question.

“Um. Gemma said…,” Harry tries to explain himself but Louis rolls his eyes fondly at the mention of his best friend and cuts him off.

“Of _course_ she did,” Louis’ eyes scan Harry curiously as he stands blocking the doorway as though he hasn’t decided whether or not to let the boy inside. His eyes finally come to rest on the plate in Harry’s hands. “What’s that, then?”

“Macaroons? I figured…,” Harry is cut off once again as Louis promptly takes the plate from him with one hand and drags him inside with the other.

“You can stay,” Louis says definitively as he peels back the cling film and steals a treat from the plate. He practically moans around the bite in his mouth before eyeing Harry again. “Did you make these yourself?”

Harry simply nods because he’s not entirely sure he’ll be able to get a whole sentence out with Louis around.

“I think I have a new best friend,” Louis smiles, taking the plate to the kitchen.

Harry nearly runs into Louis’ back as he follows behind when Louis stops abruptly and turns back to him.

“Wait…,” he says, considering Harry once more. “Do you know how to keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

Harry grins at the slight dig at Gemma. She _is_ his sister. She’s taught him everything he knows. “Do you want me to lie?”

“Same sense of humor, I see,” Louis muses as his eyes rake over Harry’s face before he seems to come to a decision. “You’ll do.”

“I’ll do what?” Harry asks amused.

“Anything I say,” is Louis’ flippant reply as he sets the plate down on the kitchen counter. “Gemma _did_ send you to be my slave.”

“Well, she didn’t put it quite like _that_ …,” Harry fumbles with his thoughts because he’s pretty sure what Louis said wasn’t meant to make him hot all over. And yet here he is on the verge of getting a very embarrassing semi. Something is definitely different lately.

“Relax, Harry,” Louis laughs patting Harry on the shoulder as he passes back into the living room. “I won’t abuse my power too much.”

 _‘Too much’_ rings through Harry’s mind more than once as Louis asks him questions about how he’s been and what he’s done and who he hangs out with since Louis and Gemma have been away. And though Harry thinks he does pretty well at answering Louis’ questions calmly and asking a few in return, he still finds himself wondering if he would at all mind Louis abusing his power in more ways than one.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Harry knows how stubborn Louis Tomlinson is. So, despite how well they got on the other day, it’s a bit of a surprise when Louis actually reaches out for help.

Harry can’t help smiling when he sees Louis’ number pop up on his phone as he walks home from school on Friday.

“Hey, Louis,” Harry answers with a grin.

“Harry! Thank god,” Louis’ relief is evident but causes Harry’s smile to fall.

“What is it, Lou? What’s wrong?” Harry questions, hoping for the other boy’s sake that it’s nothing too bad.

“I’m stuck at work and mum needs someone to pick up Daisy and Phoebe from school. It’s already late, Harry. Can you do it and then stay with them until one of us gets home?” Louis sounds desperate and, as happy as Harry is that there’s nothing majorly wrong, he hates the distress in Louis’ tone.

“Sure. No problem, Lou. Just tell me where I’m going.”

It’s a lucky thing Louis thought to call ahead and let the school know that Harry was coming because they almost don’t let him in. After showing his ID 3 times, he’s finally allowed access to Louis’ little twin sisters. Neither of them question him until they are well on their way home.

“Who are you?” Phoebe asks holding Harry’s left hand while Daisy holds his right as he leads them.

Really, Harry is a little surprised it’s taken this long for one of them to ask.

“Are you Louis’ new boyfriend?” Daisy chimes in.

“I’m Harry,” he tells them. “I’m just Louis’ friend.”

“Louis doesn’t have friends that are boys,” Phoebe argues.

“Except Zayn,” Daisy amends.

 _Of course_ , Harry thinks. Louis and Zayn, the only two boys to ever make Harry question himself, are friends.  Harry pushes the thought away, determined to not dwell on just how unfair his life is becoming.

“Well, now he’s got one more,” Harry tells them with what he hopes is a friendly smile.

Phoebe considers him for a moment before shaking her head.

“Nope. You’re too pretty.  You’ll end up his boyfriend,” she says matter-of-factly.

“They always do,” Daisy agrees.

“Zayn’s prettier than I am,” Harry argues.

And while Daisy just hums and nods her agreement, Phoebe looks at Harry with narrowed eyes like she can’t quite make up her mind.

“I dunno,” she says finally. “I think you’re the same amount of pretty. Just different kinds. Plus, I’m going to marry Zayn, so Louis can’t have him.”

“Does Zayn know this?” Harry asks, grinning at how cute Louis’ sisters are.

“Not yet,” is the only answer he gets before the twins are off on a new topic.

 

~*~*~*~

 

When Louis gets home at five (much later than he’d hoped), he finds all four of his sisters seated at the dining table finishing dinner. It looks delicious and Louis’ stomach rumbles loudly announcing his presence.

“Louis!” Lottie calls, happily slurping some pasta into her mouth. “You’ve got to send Harry to stay with us more often!”

“Harry?” Louis asks confused as he discards his coat in the hall closet. “Is mum not home yet?”

“She called to say she grabbed an extra shift, so Harry made us dinner,” Lottie answers. “It’s so good, Lou. You gotta taste it.”

“Did someone save me some?” Louis asks playfully, eyeing their plates and seeing that there’s barely a speck of food left on any of them.

“I think Harry left you some in the kitchen. He’s in there as well,” Felicite pipes up as she scrapes her plate clean.

“Thanks, Fiz,” Louis says as he makes his way to the kitchen to find Harry wrapping a casserole dish in cling film to preserve the freshness.

Louis watches the lad for a second as the boy hums to himself unaware of Louis’ presence. When he’s got the casserole dish in the fridge, Louis comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Harry in a grateful embrace that startles Harry before the boy sinks into it.

“You and your sister, I swear,” Louis hums into his ear. “Your mum deserves an award for child rearing.”

Harry laughs. “It was nothing, Lou.”

“No, it was a pretty big something,” Louis says not letting Harry go yet.  “You’re a wonderful person, Harry. Especially if you saved me some dinner.”

Harry laughs again, tugging out of Louis’ arms to pull a covered plate from the microwave.

“My hero!” Louis cries dramatically before smacking a kiss to Harry’s cheek and taking the plate.

Harry hands him a fork wordlessly and Louis can swear that there’s a pink tint to the boy’s cheeks that wasn’t there before.

Lottie and Fizzy bring all the dishes into the kitchen and place them in the sink before leaving again with a “thanks, Harry”.

 Louis sits at the island in the center of the kitchen and digs into the beautiful chicken alfredo that’s on his plate.

Harry moves to the sink to start washing the dishes but Louis tries to stop him.

“That’s okay, Harry. You’ve done more than enough. I’ll get those when I’m done eating,” he says before taking another bite of his food.

Harry shrugs and keeps washing. “I don’t mind. You’ve worked all day. You deserve to have some time to yourself.”

“Harry, you went to school and then watched my sisters all afternoon. _You’ve_ worked all day, too, you know.”

“Nah,” Harry disagrees, shaking his head as he rinses a plate. “It didn’t feel like work. It was nice.”

Louis watches the boy thoughtfully for a minute.

“Why don’t you stay the night? We can hang out, watch a film or something? What do you say?” Louis offers.

Harry glances back at Louis quickly and sees the boy staring back at him. He turns back to the dishes quickly, ducking his head bashfully as he rinses another plate. “Yeah. Ok. I’ll just…um…have to call my mum.”

“Great!” Louis says enthusiastically as he finishes his food and stands to put his dish in the sink, pressing a hand into the small of Harry’s back as he does so. “You’re an excellent cook, by the way. If you keep this up, I might have to keep you.”

“Thank you,” Harry says quietly as he grabs the new dish and rinses off the alfredo sauce before soaping it up with a sponge. He can’t bring himself to look at Louis as he feels his face flush again.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, Curly. Make yourself at home until I get back,” Louis says before disappearing out of the kitchen.

Harry can’t stop thinking about the weight of Louis’ hand on his back or the way Louis’ body felt pressed up against his back when Louis had hugged him and he thinks again of asking Louis to help him figure himself out. By the time he’s dried and put away the dishes and is settling himself in on the couch in the living room surrounded by Louis’ sisters, he’s talked himself out of it again. But when Louis comes back downstairs with his hair still wet from the shower and a smile on his lips as he bounces down next to Harry on the couch, the internal struggle starts all over again.

“Did you call your mum?” Louis asks as he settles in.

“Oh. No, I forgot,” Harry says with a sheepish shrug.

“Where’s your head at, Curly?” Louis jokes, playfully tugging on Harry’s hair. “Go call her.”

“Ok,” Harry says pulling himself up from the couch and hurrying to the kitchen.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Staying at Louis’ is beginning to look like a horrible idea. Because Louis is _very_ tactile. Normally Harry would thrive on it. He’s very touchy-feely himself so it’s great when his friends are the same. But Harry is still considering whether he should maybe talk to Louis about what’s going on with him. So, every time Louis lays his head on Harry’s shoulder or pokes him in the ribs or says something even vaguely flirtatious, Harry can’t help but squirm a bit. And Louis is beginning to notice, throwing questioning looks at Harry that he can no longer fend off with a false smile.

“Is something bothering you, Harry?” Louis whispers, sitting up halfway through some Jennifer Lopez rom-com that Harry, himself, had picked out.

Louis’ sisters are still in the room, watching the film with them so Harry doesn’t really relish telling Louis the truth just now.  So he gives the other boy a smile that he hopes is more convincing than all the others he’s given tonight. “I’m fine, Lou.”

Louis watches him for a few more seconds, skeptical, but eventually gives in with a shrug. “Okay.”

Harry doesn’t miss the fact that Louis doesn’t settle into his side again, choosing to put some space between them instead. It bothers Harry more than the touching, if he’s honest. He doesn’t get more than five minutes into the movie before he’s closing the distance, scooting over to lean into Louis’ side.

“You’re right, okay? There’s something I maybe need to talk about but… I can’t yet. Maybe later? When the little ones are in bed?”  Harry murmurs quietly.

“Alright,” Louis agrees, watching Harry carefully. “Are you sure that you’re okay to wait? We can pop up to my room if you need to.”

“No, it’s okay. I think I need some time to work up to it anyway,” Harry declines laying his head on Louis’ shoulder and turning back into the movie.

“Whatever you want, Curly,” Louis tells him.

Less than a minute later, Louis’ fingers are carding through Harry’s curls and Harry can’t help leaning into it.

 

~*~*~*~

 

When the film is over and Louis is off tucking his sisters into bed, Harry waits nervously in Louis’ room. This is it. This is his chance. And he’s still not certain that he’s going to take it. He’s definitely going to tell Louis what’s been happening to him, maybe leaving out the part about Zayn being the cause of it (and Louis too), but he doesn’t think he can ask what he wants to. 

All too soon, Louis is walking into his room and shutting the door behind him. He crosses over to his bed where Harry is sitting and fumbling his fingers fretfully. He sits, giving the boy an expectant look.

Harry opens his mouth a few times but can’t seem to start this particular conversation.

“Haz, whatever you want to say, I’m not going to judge you for it, okay? You don’t have to worry,” Louis coaxes, wrapping what he hopes is a comforting arm around Harry’s shoulders and giving a quick squeeze. “Spit it out, love.”

Harry squeezes his eyes shut and tries to reign in his anxiety. _Why is this so hard?_ Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he opens his eyes and turns to Louis.

“I’m… having issues. With my sexuality,” Harry says, watching for Louis’ reaction.

Louis’ eyebrows raise as his face takes on a look of shock.  “ _Oh_.”

Harry winces a little. Surely, he could have said that better. He’s a little afraid that he’s just made things awkward with Louis.

Louis’ arm tenses on Harry’s shoulders and he looks at it uncertainly before moving to pull it away. “Should I not…?”

But Harry grabs his wrist, keeping the arm in place before Louis can pull away.  He gives the older boy a sheepish smile. “I appreciate you trying to respect my boundaries and all but it’s fine, Lou. I’m not, like, afraid you’re planning to jump me or anything. And I could sort of use the comfort.”

“Right, sorry,” Louis says, shaking off his ridiculous moment of panic and relaxing against Harry again. “I guess, um, I should ask what _kind_ of issues you’re having? I mean, I don’t know how much you want to tell me so, I don’t want to pry or anything.”

Harry can’t help but chuckle to himself.

“Hey, what’s funny?” Louis asks pinching Harry’s arm but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips so Harry knows he’s not offended.

“It’s just, you seem almost more nervous than I am,” Harry grins at him.

“Well, _excuse me, Harold_. I’ve never had to help a friend through a sexual crisis before. I’m a bit rubbish for lack of practice,” Louis answers, pushing Harry playfully, the arm on Harry’s shoulders not letting the boy go too far.

Harry’s grin grows and he leans more fully into Louis’ side.

“Are you going to answer my question, Curly?” Louis asks trying to bring the conversation back into more serious territory but the spark of mirth is still in his eyes.

Harry nods as he considers what exactly he wants to say. “Okay. Um, well, there’s this guy and I’ve sort of recently been having the kind of _reaction_ to him that I usually have for girls. It sort of overpowers everything else. And I have no idea what to do about it and I mean, I think I know what it means but I’m not absolutely certain, you know?”

“A guy? Recently?” Louis asks, giving Harry a look that the boy doesn’t know how to decipher.

“Yeah, at school,” Harry answers, oblivious to what Louis’ asking with that look.

Louis isn’t sure what he feels when Harry confirms that it’s not him that’s causing these issues, but he pushes whatever it is away, locks it in the back of his mind. Now is not the time.

“So, just _one_ guy affects you like this?” Louis asks. It’s _relevant_ , okay?

“Is that important?” Harry’s genuinely curious but the question has the added bonus of helping him dodge the answer.

“It could be. Have you done anything with this guy?”

“What?” Harry startles before flushing at the thought. “No! I mean, we barely speak. And I don’t think he’s, you know, _into_ boys. I mean, I don’t even know if I am… into boys. It’s just these two, you know, and…”

“Wait, there are _two_?”

“UGH!” Harry groans and leans forward to hide his face in his hands for a second. “I’m just sick of questioning myself and not _knowing_ if it actually means anything. And I can’t just, like, ask him out or something to see if I really like him or if it’s just… ugh!”

“Relax, Harry. We’ll get you through this, okay?” Louis tugs the boy closer, wrapping both arms around him, and lets Harry burrow into his neck.

When Harry is breathing a little easier he eases back from Louis.

“I hate to ask this because it’s so cliché but, I mean…”

“How did I know that I was gay?” Louis smirks back knowingly. “Well, I’ll tell you, Harry, my dick knew well before I did.”

That startles a laugh out of the younger boy and Louis grins at his success.

“It was secondary school. The changing room more specifically. I ended up spending a _lot_ of time in a bathroom stall in year ten.”

Harry snorts at that, his mind automatically going to an image of Louis wanking furiously to all the naked male flesh.

“Not like that!” Louis slaps Harry across the back of the head which just makes him laugh harder. Louis shakes his head affectionately.  “Perv.”

“So, what were you doing in the bathroom stall then?” Harry asks through his giggles.

“ _Changing_ , you twat. It was better to have people thinking I was insecure than to have them know what was really going on. I’d change out for p.e. in a stall and find reasons after class was over to go late to the showers. Most everyone would be gone by the time I got in there and I could shower in peace mostly. I kept up the habit in year eleven. But one day someone came in to shower even later than I did. And, my god, was he beautiful. Before I could hide what was happening, he saw it. And I was certain that I was going to get the shit beat out of me but he smiled and winked at me. We ended up fooling around for a few weeks after. He turned out to be a jerk who was only gay when no one else was looking but I got my first experience out of it and there was really no going back after that,” Louis shakes the memory off, looking for Harry’s reaction and finds the boy giving him a look of concern.

“Please tell me that you didn’t lose your virginity to that guy. Your first time should be with someone who actually cares about you,” Harry says quietly.

Louis chuckles. His first time would definitely not fit Harry’s fantasy.

“Don’t worry, Haz. He didn’t get the privilege.”

“So, do you think I should… find someone to fool around with?” Harry asks, nervous again. “To see if I like it?”

Louis swallows hard but hopes he covers it pretty well with a casual shrug. “I mean, it would probably help to know that you actually _want_ everything that goes along with being with a guy. If you can’t handle the machinery, it’s probably not for you, you know?”

Harry nods and appears to be steeling himself. Louis tenses, afraid that he knows what’s coming.

“Would you do it?”

“Do what?” Louis plays dumb.

Harry has to take another deep breath before he can say it.

“Will you help me figure out if I like it? Being with a boy?”

Harry’s earnest green eyes staring at him almost reel Louis in, almost have him answering without thinking.  Louis pulls away from the other boy; he stands from the bed and runs his fingers through his hair as he thinks. He purposely doesn’t look at the boy still perched on his bed.

“I don’t know, Harry,” he says finally. “I mean, can I think about it?”

When Louis turns around, Harry has curled in on himself looking dejected with his face buried in his knees. Louis rushes to soothe him.

“Hey, no. None of that,” he says, kneeling in front of the boy and pulling Harry’s limbs away so that he can see his face again. At least he’s not crying but he won’t look Louis in the eye. Louis holds his hands and gives an encouraging squeeze as he speaks. “There’s nothing wrong with what you asked. Okay? I just, I have a lot to think about before I can give an answer. Like how badly your sister would kill me if she found out I was fooling around with her kid brother.”

Harry just nods, certain that he’s been rejected. He still can’t look at Louis, even when the older boy pulls him into a hug and murmurs in his ear, “let’s just sleep on it, yeah?”

He offers Harry some of his clothes to sleep in and they change silently, backs to each other. Afterward, they climb into bed exchanging a sullen “goodnight”.

They lay next to each other in Louis’ bed but, for a sleepover, there’s remarkably little sleep for either of them.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The thing is, Louis knows it’s a bad idea. This kind of thing is just _asking_ for someone to get hurt. But he also kind of has an extremely hard time saying ‘no’ to a Styles. Any Styles, he’s come to realize. So, he’s just going to have to hope that Gemma gives him a merciful death should she ever find out what he’s about to do.

Harry lies next to him, looking exhausted even in sleep and Louis can’t help but want to ease his mind.

He moves a curl off of Harry’s forehead with gentle fingers and sees Harry’s face relax a little as he dreams. Louis sighs, wondering when the decision he’s made will stop sitting so heavy in his gut. He climbs carefully over Harry to get out of bed. He’d taken the side against the wall last night, not wanting Harry to feel trapped after everything they had discussed, knowing that Harry probably saw his ‘maybe’ as a refusal.

After checking that he hasn’t woken the boy, Louis makes his way out of his room and into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he’s done he heads to the kitchen. His sisters will be up soon, running around and asking for sustenance.  He puts the cereal where they can reach and sets out bowls and spoons before pouring himself a bowl and treading to the living room to sink into the couch and catch up on some Homeland.

Just as he suspected, five minutes later Lottie is descending the stairs and disappearing into the kitchen, followed soon after by the twins still in their pajamas.  He gives it about ten more minutes before the television is stolen in favour of Saturday morning cartoons. And he’s not wrong.

Normally, he’d stay and watch with his sisters in a sad attempt at sibling bonding but today he doesn’t. He takes his dish to the sink and rinses it out; he’ll wash them all later when everyone has eaten. Done with his task he passes Fizzy on the stairs as he makes his way back to his room.

Harry is still sleeping, now sprawled across Louis’ bed like it’s his own. Louis grins at the sight and goes to his desk. He’s got a fairly important paper due soon in his Lit lecture and he’s only halfway done. He should probably work on it a bit.

An hour later, Harry finally stirs, waking up with a yawn and pillow creases on his cheek. Louis smiles at the sight but it falls a bit when Harry sees him and immediately looks uncertain.

“Morning,” Louis tries.

“Morning,” Harry mumbles back. He scrambles out of the bed and stands awkwardly for a second. “I’m gonna… um, bathroom.”

“Yeah, sure,” Louis tells the boy, concern etched on his face as Harry shuffles out. He follows a minute later, knocking on the door.

“Just a minute,” Harry calls out.

“It’s me, Harry,” Louis speaks through the door. “I was just going to let you know that there’s a spare tooth brush in the cabinet if you want it.”

“Thanks,” comes back.

Louis bites his lip and returns to his room. He pretends to be working on his paper but he’s really just waiting for Harry to return. He finally gives up after ten minutes and goes to check on the boy but finds the bathroom door open and no one inside. Confused and a little hurt, Louis goes back downstairs to find Harry in the kitchen eating cereal at the island where Louis ate his dinner last night.

“I was waiting for you,” Louis says, leaning against the opposite counter.

“Oh.” Harry is slow to look up from his cereal but when he does he looks sincerely apologetic. “Sorry, Lou.”

“It’s alright,” Louis says shrugging it off. It’s really _not_ a big deal. “Do you still-”

Louis cuts himself off when Fizzy comes into the kitchen with three dishes in her hands.

Harry looks at him questioningly as they wait in silence for Fizzy to leave.

She places the dishes in the sink and turns to go but freezes when she catches the tension in the room and how the two boys aren’t saying anything.

“ _Awkward_ ,” she sings, laughing when Louis gives her a little push but she, thankfully, leaves it at that and exits.

“Can we talk in my room?” Louis asks, wary of further interruptions.

Harry nods, getting up to put his dish in the sink as well and following Louis out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

Both boys sit cross-legged on Louis’ bed, knee to knee, but it’s still with a feeling of apprehension and nothing like the easy camaraderie they had before their conversation last night.

“Look, if you still want to… experiment or whatever, I’ll… I mean, I’ll help you,” Louis sputters clumsily.

“Louis, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want, okay?” Harry counters miserably. “I mean, thank you but…”

“Harry,” Louis stops the other boy, putting a hand on Harry’s knee. “Shut up. If you want it, then I’m saying yes. I had to stumble upon someone to help me work myself out. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

Harry gives Louis a shy smile. “Really? You’re okay with doing this?”

“Absolutely.”

The answer is barely out if his mouth before Harry knocks him over with a grateful hug.

Louis laughs into the other boy’s neck and holds tight to the boy on top of him.

When Harry pulls back their eyes catch and Harry stops suddenly. He gives a glance to Louis’ lips before fixing him with a pointed look.

“Now?” Louis asks.

“Yeah. I mean, if that’s okay,” Harry sounds a bit breathless with anticipation. Louis can hardly deny him now, can he?

“Alright. But if we do this, we’re doing it right. We should go slow. Make sure that you’re certain you’re ready before we, you know, do anything major,” Louis stipulates.

“Agreed. Now, will you shut up and kiss me, please?”

“So needy,” Louis teases before complying with Harry’s wishes. He leans up and catches Harry’s lips in a chaste kiss, wrapping his fingers in Harry’s curls. Harry’s lips are soft and pillowy. Delectable. Nothing like Louis’ own thin, chapped lips. But Harry doesn’t seem to be complaining. His eyes are closed and he pulls his lips away from Louis’ just to bring them in again. The third time he opens up a little, asking for more and Louis gives Harry what he wants as they share open-mouthed kisses with no tongue. It’s only natural that it should lead to more though and soon they’re full-on snogging.

Harry is a really good kisser and Louis almost forgets that this isn’t for fun. This is a _favour_ for a friend. Still he can’t stop himself from getting caught up in it until he feels Harry rutting against his leg a little. And whether Harry is ready or not, _Louis_ isn’t quite ready to get their dicks involved. There really will be no turning back then. Not that he plans to go back on his promise to Harry, just… this is Gemma’s brother he’s screwing around with and he doesn’t take that lightly.

Harry whines a bit when Louis gently pushes him off.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks as Louis sits up.

Louis clears his throat to give himself some time. “Well.” He clears his throat again. “Um, it seems like _little_ Harry is trying to come out to play and I think it’s a bit too soon for that.”

Harry looks to his crotch and if Louis expected the boy to be embarrassed about the erection he finds himself sporting, well, he was wrong. “Do you want me to take care of it?”

Louis’ eyes widen and he can’t help the mental image that assaults him. “I thought I just said…”

Harry clamps a hand over Louis’ mouth before he can embarrass himself further. “I meant in the bathroom, twat. I can take care of it and come back and we can pick up where we left off?”

Louis licks Harry’s palm and has Harry pulling his hand away with an “ew”. He grins. “So, kissing a boy?”

“Is a lot like kissing a girl,” Harry answers, getting up from the bed. “You’re better than most of my exes though.”

“ _Most_?” Louis asks with a raised brow and an offended expression. “No, no, no, Harry. I am the best kisser you’ll ever experience. I’ll forgive you for the mistake just this once because you’re, clearly, a bit foggy from experiencing my obvious natural talent but don’t let it happen again.”

Harry laughs and smacks a kiss to Louis’ cheek. “Whatever you say, Lou.”

“I _am_ , Harry.”

“When I get back, I’ll give you a chance to prove it,” Harry tells him with a wink over his shoulder as he goes to the bathroom.

Louis scrubs his hands over his face once Harry’s gone. That boy is going to be the death of him. He’s surprisingly okay with that. And when Harry gets back a few minutes later, Louis does indeed earn the title of best kisser.

They may have to stop a time or two for Harry to sort himself out again. If Louis happens to sneak in a quick wank once as well, no one has to know.

 

~*~*~*~

 

It’s been three weeks since Louis agreed to help Harry out and all they’ve done is make out. Okay, they’ve done a _lot_ of making out but still. Apparently, when Louis said “go slow” he meant at the pace of an iceberg. Harry is ready for more. So ready. Like, he’s lying on Louis’ bed supposedly studying and getting hard just thinking about taking the next step. He wants Louis’ hands on him. He wants to get his hands on Louis.

Louis is doing his reading for his Lit course. He looks _really_ good in a loose cream jumper and tight blue jeans, one foot tucked up under him in his desk chair.

“Hey, Lou?” Harry asks tentatively.

“Hmm?” Louis barely spares him a glance.

“How about a break?”

“Harry, we just started,” Louis argues lightly not taking his eyes off his book.

Harry rolls his eyes and rolls off of the bed, landing smoothly on his arse. Louis still doesn’t notice. Harry stands rubbing his sore bum and stalks over to Louis. He has a momentary thought about just spinning the chair around and climbing into Louis’ lap but feels like that might be the wrong move. Instead, he wraps his arms around Louis’ neck and starts kissing up the side.

Louis tries to fight it, leaning his head to the side, ear to shoulder, to cut off Harry’s path but Harry just switches to the other side. Louis sighs, closing his book and giving in. He drops both feet to the floor and spins his chair around, allowing Harry to finally crawl into his lap as they start making out.

A few minutes pass before Harry brings it up.

“Lou?” He says against Louis’ lips.

“What, love?”

“I think I’m ready,” Harry answers.

Louis backs his head away when Harry goes in for another kiss, bringing his hands up to Harry’s shoulders. “Ready for _what_ exactly?”

“I don’t know, Lou, just _more_ ,” Harry answers, watching the relief that settles on Louis’ face. Harry’s own face falls. “I thought you were okay with this.”

It hurts more than it should when Harry crawls out of Louis’ lap and settles on the edge of Louis’ bed with his head in his hands. Louis follows, sitting next to the other boy and trying to rub his back soothingly but Harry flinches away.

“Harry, I _am_ okay with this. I promise.  I was just afraid that you might have been asking for…”

“Sex?” Harry finishes for him, a flash of hurt in his eyes. “Surprise, Louis! It’s all sex. And you won’t do any of it.”

“Harry, I just-“

“Is there something wrong with me?” Harry blurts out of nowhere.

“What?!? No! Harry, there’s not,” Louis answers before sighing. “I just don’t want to do something that you might regret. I don’t want to end up someone that you feel like you need to avoid. You mean too much to me for that.”

Harry studies Louis’ face for a minute and then reaches over and takes his hand. “You could never be that, Louis.”

“You don’t know that, Harry.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You may not know this but…” Harry looks around like he’s about to spill a big secret that no one else is allowed to hear. Once he’s satisfied no one is listening he turns back to Louis. “ _I can see the future_.”

Louis laughs loudly as Harry smirks at him. “You’re an idiot.”

Harry answers with a nonchalant shrug like he could care less.  “Can we…?”

Louis chuckles again when Harry gestures at the two of them, asking to continue the snogging. He obliges, placing a hand on the back of Harry’s head and pulling him in.

When he feels Harry get hard again, Louis palms him through his trousers as Harry moans into his mouth. It’s the most delicious thing he’s ever heard.

Harry reaches to his zip so that Louis can get a hand on him but Louis stops him.

“Next time,” Louis promises, “but for now, can we just do this?”

Harry wants to argue but then Louis’ hand is pressing down on him and it feels _so_ good that he loses his train of thought. Instead, Harry simply nods and kisses the other boy again.

Harry comes in his pants and he doesn’t even care a little bit.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Gemma has noticed that something is off about Harry during her weekly phone calls. For weeks now he’s been almost bubbly. Her brother has always been a fairly happy person but this goes beyond that. She’s waited patiently for Harry to tell her what’s happened to cause such a change in him but he hasn’t and she’s done with pretending like she hasn’t noticed.

“Sooooo, who’s the girl?”

On the other end of the line she can hear Harry fumbling.

“Um, what are you talking about? What girl? There’s no girl.”

“Come on, baby bro. You can’t hide it anymore. You’ve been different for _weeks_. Sighing happily after every other sentence, phasing out like you have someone to daydream about, laughing at every stupid joke. Wait, no. You always do that one.”

“Ha. Ha,” Harry answers sarcastically.

“See?”

“I’m going to hang up on you,” he threatens.

“And THIS. This new attitude toward your loving sister. Where is _this_ coming from?”

“Well, I _have_ been at Louis’ house quite a bit, as you asked,” Harry responds dryly.

“Ok, that definitely explains the attitude but not the love struck bit.” _Ha._

“Think what you want but I’m not love struck,” Harry argues.

“Okaaayyy,” Gemma sing-songs, making it obvious that she doesn’t believe him.  “But I wanna meet her when I come home for Christmas hols.”

“I’m hanging up, now.”

Gemma is surprised when Harry _actually_ does it. She thinks maybe she’s proud of the way Louis’ rubbing off on him.

She would be appalled if she knew that was _exactly_ what Louis was doing.

 

~*~*~*~

 

It’s a rare Friday that Louis and his mother both have to work late and Harry can’t watch Louis’ sisters. He volunteered to help one of his teachers with a task at school a while ago and Harry’s never been one to back down from his word.

Louis assures Harry that he got someone else to do it but Harry still rushes over to Louis’ house as soon as he’s done, fully intending to take over. That is, until Zayn Malik opens the door.

“Hey, Harry,” Zayn says casually, leaning against the door frame. “What can I do for you?”

“Um, I just… I usually watch the girls for Louis. I couldn’t make it on time today because I promised someone that I’d help them with something but if you have something else to do, I don’t mind taking over,” Harry answers. He doesn’t think he’s ever spoken that quickly in his life.

Zayn studies Harry, and there’s something about the way he does it. Like he _knows_ why Harry is really here. That there’s an underlying promise that he’ll get to spend time with Louis later.

“Nah, I’m good,” Zayn responds finally. “But thanks.”

Just then Phoebe comes bounding up to tug on Zayn’s arm.

“Zayn, come back. You’re missing the best part!” she says before noticing Harry at the door. But rather than greet him she makes a shooing motion like he’s an unwanted fly, following it up with a head tilt toward Zayn.

Harry would laugh if he didn’t feel so out of sorts. Phoebe’s crush on Zayn is incredibly cute when it’s not keeping him from the possibility of spending the evening with Louis.

“Bye, Harry,” Zayn says closing the door.

“Bye,” he can barely manage back.

The thing is, Harry doesn’t even notice how pretty Zayn is this time. He’s too busy resenting the fact that, however temporary, the boy has stolen his place in Louis’ world.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Harry sulks. He’s not a natural sulker, doesn’t usually have much to sulk about but he’s already a fucking _pro_ at it. As soon as he got home, he changed into his rattiest but softest t-shirt and a pair of sweats that are a bit too big on him. They pool at his hips and threaten to fall off with every step but they are so comfortable and Harry needs that just now.

He’s settling in for a Being Human marathon and a night of stuffing his face with junk food because he needs that too. He will not read into how hard he’s taking this. He’s just having a _bad day_ , alright?

As amazingly supportive as his mum usually is, he’s glad that she had plans today so he can sulk in peace and not have to explain _why_.

Harry is just getting into his third episode, crisp crumbs settled on his chest, a spoon-full of ice cream on its way to his mouth when the doorbell rings. Harry drops the spoon back in the ice cream carton and makes a half-hearted attempt at brushing the crumbs off his shirt as he makes his way to answer the door. He wishes he’d made a better attempt at cleaning himself up when he finds Louis on the other side.

Louis’ eyes scan over him and he quirks an eyebrow at Harry. “You look comfy.”

“I am,” Harry says, stubbornly refusing to be shaken though he can’t stop his cheeks from lightly flushing.

Louis merely smiles at him. “Zayn said you stopped by the house and offered to take over watching the girls.”

“Yeah, I like watching them,” Harry says. It’s a half-truth because while he _does_ enjoy taking care of Louis’ sisters, he’s there for his friend first and foremost. “I didn’t know who you’d sent so, if it was someone the girls wouldn’t like, I didn’t want to make them stay with them.”

“That’s sweet, Hazza,” Louis says, stepping into the house and wrapping his arms around Harry. “Thank you for looking out for them.”

Harry hugs Louis back, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Louis against him. Sure, he feels a little gross-looking but Louis’ presence has lifted his spirits.

When Louis pulls back, Harry’s brows scrunch in confusion. “Wait, shouldn’t you be at home relieving Zayn of babysitter duty? What are you doing here, Lou?”

“Yeah, about that,” Louis’ the one blushing now. “I had a really bad day at work and I just needed some quiet time. Zayn offered to watch the girls a while longer and I just couldn’t stay at home. Do you mind if I hang out here for a bit?”

“Sure, Lou,” Harry answers, closing the front door he’s left gaping and pulling Louis in under one arm as they walk back to the couch together. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Louis squirms until he gets comfortable on the couch pressed snugly into Harry’s side, Harry’s arm around his shoulders. “No, I just want to forget it. But thank you.”

Louis kisses Harry’s cheek and the boy looks down at him with fondness.

“Wanna watch Being Human? There’s ice cream.” Harry holds up the carton and shakes it a little in front of Louis’ face causing the other boy to laugh.

“Sure.”

The ice cream is a little runny, the show is a little outside Louis’ preferences, and they don’t kiss once but Louis feels warm and complete. It is an entirely lovely evening. One that Louis wishes he could repeat every night. And _that_ is when Louis knows that he’s in serious trouble.

 

~*~*~*~

 

 Harry is pleasantly surprised when Louis keeps his promise to actually put his hand on Harry’s dick the next time they get together for _Is-Harry-Into-Guys? 101_. They’d been making out on Louis’ bed for a while and Harry had been shamelessly rutting down into Louis’ own erection for at least the last five minutes when Louis decided to roll them over. He had paused with his hand over Harry’s zip, asking first to make sure that Harry was ready and Harry had given him an enthusiastic nod. Now, they’re making out again and Louis’ hand is on his dick and it’s absolutely _glorious_. Harry is about 30 seconds from coming when there’s a ruckus on the stairs.

Between the two of them, they just barely manage to get Harry tucked back into his jeans before the door to Louis’ room bursts open and Phoebe and Daisy burst in. Stupid fucking broken lock. Louis’ been meaning to fix it.

“Louis, Zayn is here,” Daisy announces.

“Bloody hell, I forgot he was coming over today,” Louis says mostly to himself.

His sisters gasp and cover their mouths at the curse but Daisy is giggling behind her hand soon enough. Louis turns to them with a stern look.

“Now, girls. Cursing is bad and I don’t ever want to hear you do it.”

“ _You_ just did,” Daisy says, still giggling.

“Which is why I am going to bribe you to never ever tell Mum and swear to never do it again,” Louis reasons. Harry is doubtful Louis can keep that promise.

“What are you offering?” Phoebe asks. She’s always been the more pragmatic twin.

“I’ll buy you ice creams later?”

“No deal,” Phoebe says and Daisy looks affronted that her sister made the decision without her. Ice cream is Daisy’s favourite. Phoebe leans over and whispers in her twin’s ear and Harry can’t hear what she says but it works to appease the other girl rather quickly.

Louis studies the two of them knowing that he’s not going to get by so easily. Honestly, it would probably be easier to let them tattle on him at this point. “What do you want?”

“Take us to see the new Pixar movie this Saturday. _And_ out for ice cream after.”

Louis pretends to think about it.

“One scoop each,” He says.

“ _Two_ scoops each and we also won’t tell mum that you’ve been bringing your boyfriend up to your room while you’re supposed to be watching us,” Phoebe counters.

Louis snorts. “What? I haven’t got a boyfriend. I don’t know _what_ you’re talking about.”

Phoebe simply raises an eyebrow before glancing over at Harry with his mussed hair and swollen lips. Louis looks too and, well, he’s a bit doomed isn’t he? He sighs.

“Deal.”

He turns to Harry looking apologetic. “Raincheck?”

Harry sighs but nods. Really, what else can he do?

“I’ve got to go talk to Zayn. Come down and hang out with us when you’re ready,” Louis says giving Harry’s arm a squeeze. He steps around his sisters and out of the room leaving Harry with two little girls staring at him.

Daisy giggles again and turns to follow Louis. Phoebe crosses her arms and gives Harry a very unimpressed look. “I told you you’d become his boyfriend.”

She doesn’t wait for Harry’s reply before she turns and goes back downstairs.

Harry lays on Louis’ bed and considers that. He’s pretty sure that he’s a little bit into guys. Or a lot into them. _Can_ you be only a little bit into guys? Doesn’t matter, he guesses. He’s definitely into kissing boys. Or at least _a_ boy. He doesn’t wonder anymore what it would be like to kiss Zayn. Not even when he goes downstairs and hangs out with the boy for a couple of hours before he has to head home. And maybe that would occur to him, that he hasn’t been thinking about Zayn at all lately, if his head wasn’t always 98% full of Louis.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“So,” Louis’ mom starts as they clean up together after dinner.

The girls are in the living room watching a movie and Louis can tell just from the tone of that one word that his mother has been waiting until they were alone to ask whatever she’s going to ask.

“The girls tell me that Harry Styles has been over here a lot lately.”

She leaves that sentence just hanging there and Louis’s eyes narrow as he curses to himself. The twins seem to have tattled on him despite their _arrangement_. He can’t be certain though with the way his mother has phrased it, so he makes sure he doesn’t give her any rope.

“Yeah, he’s been watching the girls when I’ve had to work over,” Louis replies with a shrug.

“And he’s been staying for a while after you get home, I’ve heard,” Johanna pushes as she washes a dish.

Louis sighs as he dries a pan and puts it away. “What are you getting at, mum?”

Finally, she puts the dish down and turns to her son with a knowing grin and a hand resting on her hip. “Have you got a boyfriend, Louis?”

He should tell her no. Because that’s the truth. But he doesn’t want to. Because he doesn’t _want_ it to be the truth. On the other hand, he can’t exactly _lie_. What will Harry think if someone says something to him?

“I really don’t think that’s any of your business,” Louis says going back to his work. His mother can think what she wants. It’s not _his_ fault if she assumes the wrong thing.

Except for how it totally is.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Harry gasps into Louis’ mouth as Louis’ hand strokes him slowly, teasing him. He pulls back, suddenly filled with an intense desire to reciprocate.

“I wanna touch you, too,” Harry says breathlessly before surging back in to bite playfully at Louis’ neck. He stops when he feels Louis freeze on top of him, pulling back again to look at Louis quizzically.

“Are you sure you wanna do this, Haz?” Louis asks, looking down at Harry with concern. “I mean, are you sure you’re ready?”

Harry drops back on his bed and lets out a tired laugh. “Louis, we’ve been doing this for over a month and I haven’t touched you once. The whole point was to see if I could handle being with a boy but so far we’ve only done things that I could just as easily do with a girl.”

Louis winces at Harry’s words. He knows he’s kept them moving at a glacial pace but he doesn’t want to rush Harry into anything. Figuring out your sexuality is a big deal. Louis wants to do this right for Harry. And if he gets more time with the other boy, that’s just a lucky bonus. “I know. I just—”

“If I’m asking for it, Lou, then I’m pretty sure that means I’m ready,” Harry cuts him off with a snarky little smirk.

“Oh, you think you can handle it?” Louis asks, brow arched smugly, eyes full of mischief as he lightly squeezes Harry’s dick.

“I think I’m finally _gonna_ handle it,” Harry retorts, moving a hand between them to palm Louis through his trousers.

Louis bites his lip and closes his eyes at the feel of Harry’s hand on him. Even through the fabric it’s pretty fucking heavenly.

“Bet I can make you feel so good, Lou,” Harry breathes against Louis’ lips before they’re kissing again.

Louis tries not to notice the sound of his zipper being lowered or the feel of his button being popped open. Harry’s doing a good job at keeping him distracted, tongue dipping into his mouth time and again for another greedy taste. Louis moves his hand off Harry’s dick and buries both in the other boy’s curls. If he focuses on the kissing, he can’t focus on how much he _wants this_ , even worse, how much he wants this with _Harry_. The younger boy didn’t sign up for Louis’ little crush on him and Louis is determined not to ruin this.

Harry’s fingers brush Louis’ tummy and Louis falters a bit. He kind of hates his tummy. There’s this little roll there that he can’t get rid of no matter how many crunches he does or diets he goes on. As usual, he pretends he doesn’t care but forgets himself soon enough as Harry fingers trace a path on his skin into his pants. He teases, brushing his fingers over Louis’ foreskin, caressing it softly before gripping him firmly.

“What will you give me if I can make you come in less than two minutes?” Harry asks as he slowly starts stroking Louis.

“Oh, you think you’re an expert already?” Louis asks, nipping Harry’s bottom lip in retaliation for his cockiness (no pun intended).

“Well, I have had practice with _my_ dick. ‘M pretty sure I know how they work,” Harry answers twisting just right on the upstroke to make Louis jolt at the feel of it.

“ _Fuck._ No bet,” Louis says, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to see the smug look on Harry’s face when he realizes that two minutes is probably not going to be much of a challenge. Fuck, Harry’s really good at this. “You been practicing with someone else, too, Curly?”

Harry’s grip loosens and when Louis looks down to check on him, he’s staring back up with something that looks like indignation on his face. “Of course I’m not, Lou. Why would you ask that?”

Louis chuckles fondly. “Relax, Harry. I was only joking. You’re just so good at this already, I’m a little surprised. I was a bit of a wreck when I got my hands on my first dick that wasn’t me own.”

“So, I’m a natural?” Harry asks, waggling his eyebrows as he grips Louis tight again and resumes his lazy strokes. Joking back has the added benefit of changing the subject. Harry doesn’t really want to hear about the other dicks Louis’ been in contact with.

“You’re alright,” Louis says dismissively, like he’s not in the least impressed with Harry’s innate talent at handling cock. “Maybe even nearly as good as me.”

“You’re not even touching me anymore,” Harry pouts, “and we got interrupted the first time, so I have no idea if you’re even as good as you say you are.”

“Is that a challenge, Styles?” Louis asks with an arched brow, trouble shining in his eyes.

“I believe it is, Lou— ah!” Harry cuts himself off with a gasp as Louis takes him in hand again and starts stroking his cock in earnest. “Oh my god.”

“First one to finish the other off gets a surprise?” Louis suggests, impish grin on his face.

“No—ohh. No fair,” Harry says breathlessly but starts working Louis over seriously now. If he’s going to lose, he’ll at least be able to say he gave it his best shot. The handjob he’s giving Louis must not be _too_ shabby because he can feel Louis’ grip loosen on him every now and then, rhythm faltering as Harry gives as good as he’s getting. Not that Harry doesn’t have his weak moments as well but he thinks he can probably be proud of the job he’s done when they come at almost the same time, Louis trusting into Harry’s fist as Harry comes over Louis’ fingers just seconds before Louis’ following him over the cliff’s edge.

Louis flops down on the bed next to Harry when they’re both spent and breathing heavily. They both sluggishly tuck themselves back into their trousers and just stay there, soaking in each other’s warmth as they lay side by side. After taking a minute to rest, Harry leans over the side of his bed and picks up a dirty shirt, using it to clean his hand before passing it to Louis so that he can do the same.

“Not too bad for my first handy, was it?” Harry asks, grinning at Louis and feeling blissed out and sated.

“Eh,” Louis shrugs, eyes on the ceiling so that he’ll be able to keep a straight face as he drops the shirt back on the floor. “It was adequate.”

“What?!? You came right after me!” Harry’s adorably offended face makes Louis crack, laughing as Harry punches his arm in retaliation. “It was amazing. Admit it.”

“It was absolutely incredible, Harry. Best handy I’ve ever gotten,” Louis answers, saccharine sweet and over the top, batting his lashes.

“God, you’re such a knob,” Harry complains with a laugh.

“But a lovely knob,” Louis insists. Harry can’t help but agree. “Best _you’ve_ ever seen. Isn’t that right, Hazza?”

“You realize that just because I haven’t touched one before doesn’t mean I’ve never seen porn, right?” Harry asks like the snarky little shit he is. Louis loves it.

“Haz! Are you telling me that I’ll never achieve my dream of porn stardom?” Louis implores in mock offense.

Harry eyes the front of Louis’ trousers thoughtfully, as though trying to remember the dimensions of Louis’ dick. “It _is_ one of the nicer dicks I’ve seen.”

“Aww,” Louis coos, “that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” He wipes away an imaginary tear and sniffles a bit.

“I live to serve,” Harry says, a hint of laughter in his tone.

Louis likes that they can joke like this even after they’ve fooled around. It feels natural. It also makes him want more, which is something he can’t think about right now so he tries to bring their conversation back into serious territory. “So, what did you think? Was it okay? Are _you_ okay?”

Harry sees Louis studying him like he’s afraid Harry’s going to freak out because he touched a dick. “I thought it was fun and nice and I feel pretty proud of myself for holding my own. Well, _yours_. Wouldn’t mind doing it again, actually.”

Shit, that— that kind of makes Louis’ heart thud a bit more forcefully in his chest. Of course, Harry’s obviously talking about the handjob bit and not specifically the _Louis_ bit. Louis knows that but it sounded for a second like Harry _was_ talking about the Louis bit and _that_ Louis wasn’t prepared for. He grins, pulling himself under control again. “Anytime, Curly.”

“I think I could give it another go in a few minutes,” Harry suggests with a wink.

Louis laughs with a shake of his head. “Oh god, I’ve created a monster. You’re insatiable.”

Harry rolls onto his side and crowds into Louis’ space, biting his lip in a way that drives Louis crazy. “Is that a complaint?”

“It’s really not,” Louis assures Harry, leaning in to kiss the other boy because it looks like they’re starting all over. Louis _really_ isn’t complaining.

Their lips barely have time to brush against each other when Louis’ phone starts ringing, ending their second round before it can even start. Harry groans and flops down on his back again while he waits for Louis to deal with his phone.

Louis doesn’t even think, just bends over and gives Harry an apology kiss, a simple peck on the lips, before getting up to grab his phone from Harry’s desk. He realizes about halfway to his phone what he’s done and almost panics because that was a boyfriend move, the apology kiss. Somehow Louis manages to get a grip and keep moving, answering the phone without bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?” Louis turns around to find Harry smiling at him sweetly and that alleviates some of Louis’ panic. That is, until he hears the voice on the other end of the line. The panic comes back in full force, though for a decidedly different reason.

“Louis! Hi. How’s everything going?” Gemma asks, excited to be talking to her best mate. She’s been really busy and hasn’t had time for much more than her weekly call home to talk to her mother and baby bro. It’s nice to hear Louis’ voice again.

“Ha. Great. Everything’s great,” Louis answers, praying internally that he doesn’t sound as awkward as he feels while he takes a seat in Harry’s desk chair. He runs a hand through his hair nervously and follows that up with biting his thumbnail.

Harry, sensing it’s going to be a few minutes, gets up from his bed. “I’m gonna get a snack,” He tells Louis, ruffling the boy’s hair back into some semblance of order as he passes to go downstairs.

“Was that Harry?” Gemma cuts off what she was saying to ask.

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Damn it. He should have lied. _Oh no, that’s just the telly. Nope, I was absolutely not just getting off with your brother._   “He said you ordered him to offer his services so he’s been hanging round a lot. Good lad, Harry is.”

“He really is, isn’t he?” Gemma gushes. “By the way, how’s _your_ family doing?”

Louis melts into the chair with relief, this he can talk about. This is safer ground. “They’re good, yeah. Lottie was invited to a fancy dress party that’s just before Christmas, so she’s excited about that. Fizz is taking a dance class now and she’s got a recital coming up. The twins are still precious little troublemakers that both terrify me and make me infinitely proud, and Mum is working slightly less than she used to, now that I’m home to help out. So, yeah, we’re good. How’s Manchester?”

“Well, there’s at least one person here that misses you terribly,” Gemma says, pout clear in her voice.

“Oh my god, tell Elizabeth that I’m gay and she should just move on already,” Louis replies with a grin.

“I meant me, you twat,” Gemma giggles. Louis misses this, just having an easy conversation with his best friend.

“You know, you and your brother both enjoy calling me that,” Louis muses.

“Well, we’re both really smart,” Gemma retorts. “Actually, speaking of my brother, do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”

“What? No. I don’t think he is,” Louis is back to panicking again. “Why—why do you want to know?”

“It’s just, he’s been _different_ lately when we talk. Like really happy. And I know my brother, he’s a generally happy person but he only gets like _this_ when he likes someone.”

“Oh,” Louis says, mind flashing back to a little over a month ago and Harry telling him _‘well, there’s this guy’_. What if Louis is only teaching Harry what he needs to know so that Harry can be with this other guy? Shit, why does that thought make Louis’ chest ache so much?

“Can you talk to him?” Gemma continues on. “Like, laddy talk? See if he’ll tell you anything?”

“You want me to spy on your brother?” Louis asks dryly, he doesn’t really like the thought of finding out what Gemma wants to know.

“Not in a _bad_ way.”

“If he doesn’t want to tell you, he’s certainly not going to tell me,” Louis argues. _Because there’s no fucking way I’m going to ask._

“Sure he will,” Gemma throws right back. “Harry loves you.”

Louis kind of tunes out whatever else Gemma says stuck on those three words and the strange twinge they cause in his chest. “Look, if you want to spy on your brother, you’ll have to do it yourself, love, sorry. I gotta go, Gem.”

“Wait!” Gemma calls before Louis can hang up. “Can I talk to Lottie really quickly? It’s about Christmas.”

“I’m not at home,” Louis answers quickly, desperately wanting to end the phone call. “Sorry. Take care. I’ll see you at Christmas, Gem. Love you lots.”

“You, too,” Gemma barely gets out before Louis hangs up. She looks down at her phone in confusion. Louis was acting really weird throughout pretty much the whole phone call. And… wait, if Louis wasn’t at home, why was he with Harry? They _could_ just be friends… no, they’ve both been really weird, especially when talking about each other. Suddenly, it dawns on Gemma and she’s horrified that she didn’t see it sooner.

“You little bastards,” Gemma mutters down at the phone in her hand. Is her brother dating _Louis_? And they didn’t _tell her_? Oh, she’s so going to make them pay when she goes home for Christmas.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The next few days are hard on both of them. Louis because he’s avoiding his feelings for Harry and Harry because he has the distinct impression that Louis’ avoiding _him_. He tries to not to let it get to him, but he doesn’t think it’s working.

“Hey, Louis,” Harry calls over his shoulder when Louis walks into the kitchen.

“Hey,” Louis slumps down, leaning on the counter as he watches Harry cooking. “What are you making?”

“Stir Fry,” Harry answers, finally managing a glance over.

Louis looks terrible. Well, no, that’s not entirely accurate. Louis always manages to look beautiful somehow, but he also looks exhausted.

“Bad day?” Harry asks, offering a chance for Louis to vent should he need it.

“No, it was alright,” he answers, backing away from the counter to go find himself a drink in the fridge.

Harry’s disappointed. He’s been feeling a bit… rejected lately. Louis hasn’t really been talking to him much, and they haven’t kissed or touched in ages. Harry just shows up to take care of Louis’ sisters and when he asks if Louis wants to hang out when he gets home, Louis always begs off.

“Do you want to hang out after dinner?” Harry asks even though he’s pretty sure he already knows the answer.

“Not tonight, I think. I’m probably just going to go to bed, if that’s alright,” Louis answers, moving to set the table, leaving his drink on the counter.

Harry slumps in defeat. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees quietly, not hiding his disappointment, and goes back to his cooking while Louis goes to check on his sisters.

As soon as the food is plated up, Harry starts washing up.

“You’re not eating?” Louis asks, seeing the empty plate he sat out for Harry as soon as he walks back in to check on Harry’s progress.

“No, I’m just going to leave you to it,” Harry says not bothering to turn from the sink where he’s washing the dishes he used for cooking.

“Harry, you made the food, you should eat some of it,” Louis argues, stepping up beside the other boy, It’s the closest they’ve been in days and Harry has to fight his desire to move even closer.

“It’s okay, I think I’m going to call Niall or something. Been a while since we hung out.”

“Harry—”

The sound of his name on Louis’ lips, filled with just a hint of frustration, makes Harry break. He drops the dish he’s washing with a loud clatter and turns to Louis, feeling every bit as exhausted as Louis looks.

“Did I do something?” He asks. More like pleads. Harry doesn’t like feeling like this, like he’s unwanted. A hindrance.  “You’ve barely been talking to me since we— Is that it? Do you want to stop helping me? Because if that’s it, that’s fine, Louis. We can stop. I don’t care, I just miss you, okay? You’re right here beside me, and I _miss you_.”

“Oh, Harry,” Louis breathes, stepping closer and pulling Harry into his arms. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing to do with you. I promise.” It’s a lie, but Louis can’t regret it when he sees the gratitude on the other boy’s face.

Harry melts into Louis’ embrace, burying his face in Louis neck and resisting the urge to cry in relief.

“Are you okay, Lou? You look like you haven’t been sleeping.” Harry asks when Louis releases him.

“I’ll be alright, love,” Louis promises, giving Harry a weak smile that isn’t fooling anyone. “You know what, I think I could use a nice cuddle after dinner. Do you still want to stay?”

“You sure?” Harry checks, because as much as he’d like to stay, Louis looks so tired. Harry doesn’t want to get in the way if Louis really does need to sleep.

“Positive,” Louis answers, reaching out to squeeze Harry’s arm.

Harry smiles in answer. “Food’s going to go cold.”

“Dinner’s ready!” Louis yells, practically in Harry’s ear in an attempt to get his sisters to the table without actually having to go and get them.

“It’s good to have you back, Lou,” Harry says with a laugh as he massages his poor ear.

“Put some food on that plate, Curly. You’re eating with us,” Louis orders just as his sisters start stampeding down the stairs.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Dinner is lovely. It’s tasty and Louis has been his usual charming, playful self. Harry’s heart feels ten times lighter now that he knows they’re okay again.

Louis’ mum gets home just as they finish eating and she refuses to let Harry finish the dishes.

Louis takes advantage and pulls Harry up to his room for the previously promised cuddles.

When they reach his room, he kicks off his shoes and bounces down on his bed, tugging Harry with him and causing the other boy to laugh before he rids himself of his own footwear and tucks himself behind Louis to be the big spoon. They both know Harry likes to be the little spoon when he’s cuddling and Louis thinks it’s sweet Harry’s willing to give that up in the name of Louis’ comfort. He grabs the remote and turns on the television on top of his dresser, intent on finding something good to watch on Netflix. It’s a small flat screen t.v., one of the few things his father left behind when he walked out. Louis hates the reminder but he feels a vindictive little thrill every time he uses it. He knows his father meant to take it but it’s Louis’ now.

“Movie?” Louis asks, looking over his shoulder for Harry’s response.

Harry grins and snuggles closer. “Whatever is fine with me.”

“Ugh,” Louis groans. “That doesn’t help me decide, Curly.”

“Mmm,” Harry hums in thought, resting his chin on Louis shoulder. “How about Doctor Who?”

“That’s not a movie but okay. Which?” Louis asks for elaboration. There are, what, twelve incarnations of the Doctor? Or is it thirteen now?

Harry snorts. “Do you really need to ask?”

Matt Smith it is. Louis finds series eleven and presses play on the first episode before scooting back into Harry’s warmth. The weight of Harry’s arm thrown over his is a pleasant one that Louis rather enjoys. He considers closing his eyes, just for a second and pretending this is more than it is, but he doesn’t. Doesn’t think he can handle losing it again when the daydreams fade. So, he watches the show and enjoys what he has.

At some point during the episode, Harry starts fidgeting a little behind him, unable to keep still. Louis’ so wrapped up in the television that he barely notices until he feels something poking him. In the arse.

Eyes wide, he glances behind him down at Harry’s jeans. “Damn, Haz.”

“Shut up. Time travel is sexy,” Harry says, pouting and hiding his face in Louis’ neck.

“Aww, has Harry got a little crush on the Doctor?” Louis giggles, and Harry digs his fingers into Louis’ side in retaliation.

“Stop!” Louis begs through his laughter. “Harry, please.”

Louis’ plea is so desperate and breathless that it takes Harry’s mind to a completely different place and he freezes, finds himself mumbling into Louis’ shoulder again, embarrassed to be asking. “Did you really want to quit?”

“Did I want to quit being tickled? Friggin’ yes,” Louis answers, elbowing Harry lightly in punishment.

“No, I mean. What we were doing… before. When you were helping me. Did you want to quit?”

Louis rolls onto his back so that he can look over at Harry without having to strain his neck. “Did you?”

“Not really,” Harry replies with a shy shrug.

“I’ll help you as long as you need me, Harry,” Louis promises, ruffling Harry’s hair so that he knows that Louis isn’t going to avoid this anymore.

Harry swallows harshly and then licks his lips, still looking at Louis timidly. “I need you.”

Louis tugs Harry down by his hair, Harry going easily, until their lips meet. Louis moves a hand down to help Harry out with the situation in his pants, palming Harry through the fabric of his jeans as he moans into Louis’ mouth.

Harry kisses him feverishly, like he’s missed this, like he _needs_ it, and Louis doesn’t know how to feel about that.  Louis would be delighted if he knew he got to keep this, but somehow he doesn’t think that’s the case. Harry’s learning from Louis, what he can handle and what he can’t, whether this is something he could want. Louis is a teacher here, perhaps he should stop wishing for things he can’t have and get on with teaching.

Louis pulls back, using both hands to brace Harry’s shoulders so that he can’t chase after Louis’ kiss. “Harry?”

“Louis?” Harry returns with a wry grin.

“How do you feel about taking the next step?” Louis asks, not giving into Harry’s desire to make it into something humorous when they stop to chat mid make-out.

Harry is surprised, to say the least. Usually he practically has to beg to get Louis to move forward, but here Louis is offering it freely. “Yeah, I feel good about it. Really good,” Harry answers quickly before Louis has the chance to change his mind. “What’s the next step?”

Louis smirks at Harry, leans down to kiss him one more time, and unzips Harry’s jeans, pulling them down Harry’s legs. Harry lifts his hips to help make the process easier. He’s still in a teeny pair of boxer briefs when Louis finally tosses his jeans to the floor.

“Should I… are you getting undressed, too?” Harry asks, hands making abortive movements like he’s not sure if he should reach out and help Louis take off his clothes, too.

“No need,” Louis says in a teasing tone, like he knows something Harry doesn’t. And then he settles himself between Harry’s legs, reaching up to the waistband of Harry’s briefs and pulling them down, too, until Harry’s dick is out, beautifully on display.

“Mmm,” Louis hums, and Harry looks at his face just in time to see him lick his lips like he can’t wait to taste it.

Precome beads at the head of Harry’s dick and Louis leans in ever so slowly to lick it off.

“Fuck,” Harry gasps as Louis wraps his hand around the base.

Harry accidentally bangs his head against the headboard when Louis finally slides Harry’s dick between his lips. “Oh my god, Lou.”

Louis pulls off and presses a finger to his lips with a quiet “shh”. And then his mouth is back on Harry’s dick and Harry has to bite his own hand in order to keep himself from shouting down the house. Louis’ mouth feels amazing on him, tongue twirling around the head of his cock before he sinks further down. This isn’t Harry’s first blowjob but it’s quite possibly the best. He thinks maybe Louis’ mouth has ruined him for anyone else.

The hand that Harry’s not biting inevitably ends up in Louis’ hair, not tugging or pushing, just resting there and kind of massaging Louis’ scalp in thanks. Because Louis’ mouth is definitely something to be thankful for.

Louis doesn’t take Harry as deep as he can, he prefers to spend his time riling Harry up rather than finishing him off. Where’s the fun in that? If Harry finishes too soon, he doesn’t have an excuse to do more. So, Louis bobs his head on Harry’s dick, taking him all the way into his mouth but not into his throat before pulling off to lavish attention on the tip.

“Lou…” Harry starts to warn as Louis flicks his tongue in just the right way.

Louis grips the base of Harry’s dick tightly to stave off the orgasm and pulls off completely. One look at Harry almost has Louis reaching for his own dick. Harry’s lips are puffy, both from pressing his hand into them and from biting into the pink, pillowy flesh in his two main attempts to keep quiet. His gaze is glazed over and his hair looks like he’s run a hand through it a few too many times in frustration. He looks like a man that’s been edged for hours instead of the few minutes Louis’ been working on him. Like if Louis gave him the chance, he would beg to be fucked.

Louis doesn’t give him the chance because looking like he does, Louis doesn’t think he could turn Harry down and he thinks that might be moving a bit too fast. Instead, Louis surges up and kisses Harry, tongue dipping into Harry’s mouth to get a taste of that frustration he’s been holding in.

Harry whines into the kiss, trying to move his hips and thrust into Louis’ hand but his grip is solid around the base of Harry’s dick and it’s not moving.

“Please,” Harry pleads against Louis’ mouth, taking breaths in between kisses and begging a bit more desperately every time they pull apart. “Please, Louis.”

Louis wants to give Harry what he wants, but not before he makes Harry say it. He wants to hear those dirty words fall from Harry’s innocent lips.

“’ _Please_ ’ what, Harry? What do you want, love?” Louis feigns ignorance.

“Touch me,” Harry whines.

“I am touching you,” Louis squeezes the base of Harry’s dick just the tiniest bit tighter.

“Lou… ple— make me…,” Harry cheeks are flushing a beautiful shade of pink by the time he stammers out the magic words Louis has been waiting to hear. “Make me come. Please.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Louis teases, sliding back down the bed to lick a stripe up Harry’s dick. “All you had to do was ask.”

Harry moans as Louis takes him in his mouth again, finally relenting and letting go of his grip on Harry’s dick. “Fuck, Louis. Your mouth.”

Louis pulls off again with a smirk.  “Is that a request?”

Harry groans at the thought even though he doesn’t take the question seriously. He really wishes that Louis wouldn’t tease him so but he kind of likes it, too. It makes what they’re doing feel more real, like Louis’ sucking Harry’s dick because he wants Harry and not just as a favour for a friend.

“You can, if you want,” Louis says, moving to take both of Harry’s hands and place them in his hair, ducking down and pressing a kiss to the tip of Harry’s dick before he’s taking it in and fucking swallowing it down.

“Oh my—” Harry gasps and squeezes his eyes shut at the barrage of pleasure, fingers gripping onto Louis’ hair as he absentmindedly thrusts. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it at first, he just needs _more_.  “ _Louis._ ”

Louis just _takes_ it, putting his hands behind his back and holding one hand in place with the other to make sure that he doesn’t touch anything. Letting Harry control the pace.

“Oh god,” Harry says, voice gravelly and sex-tinged as he comes.

Louis swallows and pulls off, wiping the corners of his mouth with a thumb to make sure nothing has escaped and looking unbearably smug.

“Oh my god. Come here,” Harry yanks him by the front of his shirt, pulling him into a heated kiss. Claiming Louis’ mouth and licking the taste of himself from Louis’ tongue.  “Your turn.”

“It’s okay, Harry. I didn’t expect anything in return,” Louis replies, giving one more kiss before moving away.

“But what if I want to? Do you… Would you like me to? If I want it, too?” Harry asks, not looking at Louis and covering himself with Louis’ duvet, like he’s suddenly embarrassed to be naked from the waist down now that Louis’ not going down on him.

“Harry, you don’t have to feel obligated to give me a blowjob just because I gave you one,” Louis says, giving a sweet smile and brushing a curl behind Harry’s ear. “I’ll be fine, love.”

When Louis tries to roll back onto his side and go back to the show Harry stops him, grabbing him by the elbow to get his attention again.

“You’re not listening, Lou. I _want to_. Unless… unless you don’t want it. Is that what’s happening? You don’t want me giving you a blowjob?” Harry asks and Louis has no idea what to think of Harry’s bouts of insecurity.

“No, love,” Louis disagrees, brushing a thumb over Harry’s bottom lip. He’s pretty sure those lips were _made_ for sucking cock. He’d have to be insane or an idiot to turn Harry down. Well, Louis never said he was all that intelligent. “That’s not what’s going on. I just… don’t want to push too much on you too fast. You only just gave a handjob the other day, Harry. One handjob doesn’t mean you’re ready to move on. I think you should get comfortable with that before we get more advanced.”

“But then why…?”

“I wanted to do that for you, Haz. It’s different receiving a blowjob from a boy than it is to give him one. You may be perfectly okay with receiving but giving might be scary. I don’t want to make things scary for you,” Louis argues, pulling Harry’s head to rest on his shoulder.

“Okay,” Harry agrees easily enough, taking the resting place Louis has offered and burrowing into it.

Louis huffs out a laugh as an obviously tired Harry nuzzles his neck. He lets him, turning his head to watch the television again but staying put otherwise. He’s missed a decent-sized chunk of the episode but he doesn’t want to move for the remote on his side table and risk making Harry move. He’s just recognized where he’s picking up on the show when he feels a brief, wet swipe on his neck.

“Harry, did you just lick me?” Louis asks, twisting to look at the other boy again.

“Maybe,” Harry smirks a bit.

And suddenly, there’s a hand on Louis’ crotch, fingers trailing the outline of Louis’ still-hard cock through his pants.

“What are you doing, Harry?” Louis asks.

“If you have to ask, you’re not half the expert you claim to be,” Harry answers, reaching to unzip Louis’ trousers. “I like being naked, but it’s even better when I’m not alone.”

Louis doesn’t say anything to that, _can’t_ say anything, just lets Harry get his jeans and pants off.

As soon as they’re on a level playing field, Harry straddles Louis’ legs and smiles, feeling a lot less self-conscious. He’s so easy for Louis, it’s kind of embarrassing. Except when Louis is as obviously into what they’re doing as he is. Louis grunts and thrusts into the hand that Harry’s just wrapped around his dick.

“God,” Louis breathes, looking down at where Harry’s hand is slowly stroking him. “Your hands are pornographic.”

“Considering what I’m using them for, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It _was_ a compliment,” Louis assures him, earning a tighter grip and quicker stroke.

“You like them?” Harry asks. He knows he’s flirting with fire here but he can’t bring himself to care. “My hands. What they do to you?”

“Y—yeah,” Louis stammers, realizing belatedly that he probably shouldn’t have answered that. He should have deflected or something, not given the answer that is dangerously close to laying his feelings out on the table for all to see.

“Good,” Harry answers, tilting Louis’ chin with his free hand just so, so that he has to look into Harry’s eyes for what Harry wants to say now. “Because I think you just proved I’m ready to move on. Next time, I’m going to blow you. No arguments.”

“Yeah, alright,” Louis agrees because he can’t _think_ right now. Not with Harry pumping his dick like that. Not while the boy is sitting on his legs, naked from the waist down.

Louis comes a few minutes later and Harry collapses against him. They’re both post-sex lazy and a bit sleepy and in this moment everything feels kind of perfect. Even as Harry wipes his dirty hand on Louis’ sheets.

“Should we shower?” Harry asks, breath falling onto Louis’ chest as he speaks, making Louis’ shirt feel warm and a little damp under his mouth. He’s still, boneless on top of Louis and the older boy thinks they both need a bit of time to catch their breath.

“In a minute, babe,” Louis answers, hand trailing a path down Harry’s back, catching on his shirt when he moves it up again. “Just need a little rest.”

It’s completely ridiculous to fall asleep like that, shirts still on, arses bare, but they do.

It’s the best Louis’ slept in a week. He’s going to do his best to ignore the implications of that.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The closer it gets to Christmas, the more nervous Louis gets about seeing Gemma again. Due to Louis’ newfound friendship with Harry (can you really call it _new_? They’ve been hanging out for months now), and his whole family’s inability to not be completely charmed by anyone bearing the name Styles, it’s been decided that Christmas will be a joint affair. Louis’ little sisters have always gotten Gemma gifts. This year, he knows they’ve included Harry on their shopping lists as well. It’s both heartwarming and nerve-wracking.

It makes sense to have everyone in one place. It does, but Louis knows that as soon as Gemma spies him with Harry, she’ll know exactly how gone he is for the boy. He’s afraid of the questions she might ask or what she might say when Harry is around because one of two things is bound to happen. Either Gemma will give away the game and Harry will find out about Louis’ feelings for him and it’ll ruin everything, or Gemma will find out exactly what Louis’ been doing with her little brother and swiftly divest Louis of his manhood. He thinks he’s pretty justified in his paranoia.

Harry, on the other hand, doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. It’s a bit unsettling, if Louis’ honest. His livelihood is in this boy’s hands. Well, not literally at the moment but not for Harry’s lack of trying.

“Louis, what are you so worried about?” Harry asks, laughing when Louis jumps at the sound of his voice. He’d gotten lost in another spiral of panic but Harry seems to recognize the terror in Louis’ eyes as Louis stares at him over his shoulder. He comes up beside Louis where he’s been sitting on the sofa, stiffly watching the telly as Harry went to make them tea. Big, warm hands manhandle Louis to turn so that his back is resting against the arm of the sofa. Then, Harry puts his hands to work on Louis’ shoulders, massaging the tension from them to help Louis relax a little.

“Don’t laugh, Hazza. Your sister’s going to murder me when she finds out what we’ve been doing,” Louis whines, automatically leaning back into Harry’s touch.

Harry folds himself over the arm of the sofa to speak into Louis’ ear, slow and promising, “Don’t worry, Lou. I can keep a secret.”

“ _Harry_ ,” Lou moans dropping his head into his hands. _That doesn’t help me_ , he wants to say. _Because I can’t keep a secret from her to save my life._ Literally.

 Harry chuckles and releases Louis’ shoulders to walk around the sofa and plop down next to him. “You know what I think you need?”

 Louis can already see the spark of mischief in Harry’s eyes, the hint of trouble in the corners of his smile. “Do I even want to ask?”

“I think you need to loosen up a little,” Harry says, smile tilting into the sly smirk that drives Louis crazy.

“And just how do you propose—” Louis cuts himself off when Harry’s hand presses into his thigh, pinky ghosting teasingly over his dick where it rests in his jeans. Honestly, he should have known with the way Harry’s looking at him. “You expect doing _more_ to make you sister hate me is going to make me _less_ worried about it?” He questions, trying to sound stern but even he can hear how badly he’s failed. And he’s making absolutely no move to push Harry’s hand away, so that is probably not doing much to deter the other boy.

Harry bites his bottom lip, looking at Louis hungrily before pushing himself down to his knees on the floor in front of him. He crawls in between Louis’ legs, running both hands up his thighs. “We’ll just have to find a better way to occupy your mind.”

“Harry,” Louis doesn’t think he has the willpower to physically stop the boy. He wants it too much, _entirely too much_. But Harry doesn’t give him the time to verbally protest again either.

“ _Please_ , Lou,” Harry pleads, looking up at Louis timidly through his lashes, even as his hands trail higher up Louis’ legs. “I need it too.”

“Do you?” Louis asks, as Harry nuzzles his face into Louis’ thigh. He doesn’t tease Louis anymore, his hands resting on Louis’ thighs, thumbs pressing against the inseam on Louis’ jeans but not making a move to go higher. He’s making sure Louis knows that he’s not going to take more than Louis is willing to give and that just makes Louis want to give him whatever he wants.

“Gemma will be home tomorrow,” Harry says into the fabric of Louis’ jeans. It’s almost like he’s embarrassed by how much he wants to touch Louis. It’s quite the sudden turnaround from the confident boy that fell to his knees a moment ago. “And then, it’ll be two weeks of family gatherings and game nights, half of which I’m sure you’ll be invited to. So, I’ll be stuck, sitting across a table from you, or even next to you in this very spot, and not being able to touch. C’mon Lou, mum won’t be home for hours from shopping and Robin is working late. Who knows when we’ll get another chance?”

“So, you only want me for my dick,” Louis teases, even though it kind of feels like the truth. He smiles through the discontent that’s rumbling, heavy in his belly and reaches out a hand to run through the soft curls that rest on his thigh.

“It’s in the interest of science,” Harry grins back as he confirms Louis’ worst fears.

Louis raises a brow at the comment, feeling a vindictive, cruel streak burn inside him. He tugs Harry’s hair a little but the effect is the opposite of what he’d expected as Harry’s eyelids flutter shut. He catches Harry’s chin between his index finger and thumb, tilting it until the boy is looking up at him. If Louis didn’t know better, he’d think that was adoration blinking back at him from those wide, innocent eyes. He runs his thumb over Harry’s plush lower lip as he studies the other boy’s face. “Maybe I should make you wait.”

Harry’s hands tighten their grip on Louis’ thighs but he gives no other apparent signs that he’s disappointed. “If that’s what you want.” He’s not moving from his spot between Louis’ legs either though.

It’s not Harry’s words that make Louis’ decision for him but the way Harry purses his lips against the thumb still resting there, leaving a barely there kiss on the pad of Louis’ finger. The urge to do something cruel, to be just a little bit hurtful, that had flared to life in the depths of Louis’ chest dies an immediate death. “It’s not,” he says, eyes glued to Harry’s lips as he pulls his thumb away and a satisfied smile takes its place.

Harry gives Louis’ thighs a light, excited squeeze before his hands move to unfasten Louis’ trousers. “Are you sure about this?” Harry asks, giving Louis one last chance to stop him even though it’s obvious he doesn’t want Louis to take it.

“Are _you_?” Louis returns with a smirk. Harry’s been arguing loudly enough that he knows his own limits that Louis is willing to trust him now. If Harry says he’s ready, Louis is going to believe him.

Harry lowers Louis’ zip in reply, tugging on Louis’ clothes until Louis rises off the couch just enough that Harry can tug them down his thighs and out of his way. Once he’s gotten Louis out of his trousers, Harry immediately wraps a hand around Louis’ half-hard dick. He watches it in his hand as he strokes it to full hardness, licking his lips like he can’t wait until he can put his mouth on it. He’s hesitant but based on the way he’s looking at it, Louis doesn’t think it’s fear holding Harry back. It looks almost like he’s enjoying the anticipation. Savoring it. The thought is hotter than Louis would ever admit.

“Are you going to suck it, or ask it on a date?” Louis teases when he can’t take it anymore.

“What? And have you along as an annoying third wheel?” Harry jokes back, twisting just under the head on the upstroke in way that makes Louis gasp. Harry’s grin widens at the sound and he does his best to draw it out as he finally bends forward and takes Louis into his mouth.

“Oh, my god,” Louis breathes out, widening his legs on instinct to make sure Harry has enough room. Both his hands bury themselves in Harry’s curls as Harry slowly takes Louis further into his mouth. He’s not all enthusiasm and no technique like Louis might have guessed. Harry takes his time with it, experimenting to see what works and what doesn’t. Louis has never been happier to be a test subject. “Oh,” he moans as Harry does something new with his tongue. “Yeah, that move’s definitely a keeper.”

Harry has to pull off when he can’t keep the smile off his face at Louis’ praise. He figured something out that Louis didn’t teach him, and it was good. He’s feeling pretty proud of himself.

“Hey, no one told you to stop,” Louis playfully complains, tugging Harry’s hair a bit and cursing when Harry’s eyes do that little flutter of pleasure before he immediately takes Louis in again. He does the tongue thing again and Louis is reduced to muttered curses and whimpers of the other boy’s name. “Haz, _Hazza_ , I think… I’m gonna. I’m gonna come.”

Harry tries to keep sucking Louis through his orgasm but the older boy just manages to pull him off. Harry keeps his hand working on Louis’ dick, determined to wring every last drop of come from him even if Louis won’t let him do it with his mouth. When Louis flops back against the sofa with a final, sated sigh, Harry lets go and takes his shirt off, using it to clean his hand before dropping it to the floor and crawling onto the couch next to Louis. Louis’ head lolls over onto his shoulder.

“You’re, like, unnaturally good at everything we do. It’s not fair, Curly,” Louis says with a lazy grin before he bends to tug his jean back on.

Harry takes full advantage of the situation, playfully slapping the bum that Louis is waving practically in his face. “Good teacher.”

Louis squawks and falls back on the cushion next to Harry once more, pulling his jeans up the last little bit and zipping them up. Even as he glares at Harry’s smirking face, he bites down a smile. “Well, I think the student has become the master.”

“I think it’s a bit early for that,” Harry argues, lust ablaze in his eyes as he stares back. “There are still a few things we haven’t done. I’m sure your instruction will still come in handy.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Louis agrees with flicking his fringe out of his face with his fingers. “There are _some_ things I could still teach you.” Louis slips to the floor and knee-walks over to fit in between Harry’s legs this time. “For instance,” he says with a wicked grin before leaning over and taking Harry’s zip between his teeth.

“Why is that so fucking hot?” Harry whispers as Louis slowly lowers his zip, hand reaching for the lone button holding his trousers together. Once that’s undone as well, Harry doesn’t need to be told to get his pants off. He’s naked before Louis can say a word, trousers bunched around his ankles and cock bobbing proudly between his legs.

Louis is frozen in place, startled by Harry’s quick movements until he suddenly starts chuckling into the back of his hand at Harry’s enthusiasm.

“Shut up,” Harry whines, cheeks pinking with embarrassment. Honestly, it’s a mystery how Louis doesn’t realize how gone Harry is for him. “Are you going to get on with it, or just keep sitting there laughing at me?”

With one last fond shake of his head, Louis calms his laughter and moves closer. He kneels forward, knees pressing Harry’s trousers down and out of the way as he squeezes between Harry’s legs. Once he’s where he needs to be, Harry brings his legs together just a bit, trapping Louis in place. “I’m sorry, love,” Louis tries to appease him with eyes full of false remorse and pouty lips that mirror Harry’s own. He reaches up and wraps a hand around Harry’s neck, pulling him down to give him an apology kiss. Harry isn’t satisfied with one, so he takes another, and another, eventually just pulling Louis up to the sofa where he can snog the boy senseless.

Somehow they end up lying down, Louis fully clothed, Harry’s trousers and pants kicked to the floor. Louis lies on top of Harry as Harry ruts up against him. He knows that can’t feel the greatest and he’s about to reach down and take Harry in hand when the younger boy breaks out of their kiss. “Will you, will you get it out again?” He asks, hand squeezing Louis’ renewed erection as though he’s afraid that somehow Louis’ will miss his meaning.

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis agrees quickly, hurrying to push his trousers down again. As soon as his dick is free, Harry’s giant hand is taking hold of both of them at once and stroking them together. The drag of Harry’s palm is a little rough but the firm, smoothness of his dick against Louis’ is a nice contrast and Louis ruts against it in the cage of Harry’s hand.

“God, Lou,” Harry gasps, hand quickening as he gets closer to coming. 

“Oh. My. God.”

“Gemma?!?” Louis pushes himself off of Harry and onto the floor in a blind panic as he tries to pull up his trousers. Harry pulls the throw blanket on the back of the couch down to cover himself up before turning to look at his sister sheepishly.

Gemma stares at them from the still open front door, barely blinking as her brain tries to process what she’s just seen. “I came home a day early,” she says as she stares at them blankly.  “Surprise.”

“Gem,” Louis tries to head off the storm that’s coming but his voice seems to break Gemma out of her trance and suddenly her eyes are narrowing.  “I can explain.”

“And you’re going to. _You_ , upstairs, _now_ ,” She tells him, slamming the front door closed before turning to Harry and pointing an intimidating finger his way. “ _You_ , get dressed for goodness sake, and we’ll talk about this later.”

Gemma breezes by Louis as she leads the way to the stairs, glancing at him as she passes and making him feel like a particularly grotesque bug. “Your fly’s undone,” she says.

Louis looks down quickly, already reaching to zip himself up but finding that he’s actually already zipped. He tries to tell himself it’s a good thing that she’s still got a sense of humor. He tries. He doesn’t actually succeed in believing it.

 

 ~*~*~*~

 

“What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing, Tomlinson?” Gemma turns on him as soon as the door closes behind him in her room.

Louis rubs his hands over his face. He knew this was going to be bad, however it happened. “Gem, I’m so sorry. Please, believe me, I didn’t—“

“Didn’t what?” Gemma interrupts in her impatience. “Didn’t intend to ever tell me that you’re dating my brother? Because that’s what it looks like. Seriously, what the hell, Lou?”

“I—” Louis cuts himself off when he realizes what Gemma has just said. She doesn’t look mad, exactly, and bless her, she’s given him the perfect cover story. “I’m sorry, Gem. I really am,” Louis says calmly instead of begging for his life like he’d originally intended. It may be in the interest of self-preservation but he’s still lying to her and it still causes his stomach to ache.

Some of the wariness drains from her face as she seems to accept Louis’ apology.

“I believe you.”

“So, you’re not mad?” He asks already losing the tension in his shoulders as Gemma takes a tentative step closer.

“Well, yeah. That you didn’t tell me.”

She’s standing there looking for all the world like Louis has hurt her feelings. She’s not mad that it looks like he’s with Harry, she’s just hurt that he kept it from her.

“I didn’t expect it, Gem. And when it happened, I was scared of what you’d think. I figured you wouldn’t want me getting close to your kid brother. Not this close, anyway,” Louis offers, but his guilt keeps his eyes trained on the floor instead of his friend. The words are true but also misleading.

“Are you kidding? Why would I be opposed to my two favourite people liking each other?” Gemma scoffs like he’s being absolutely ridiculous.

Louis gives her a small, grateful smile, apology still buried in his gaze as he looks at her and she takes another step forward to wrap her arms around him as she forgives him fully. “I have one condition.”

“What’s that?” He asks like he knows he’s supposed to as he squeezes his best friend tightly.

Gemma releases Louis in favour of giving him a stern glare. “You can’t like him better than me.”

“Hmm,” Louis tilts his head to the side, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Are you planning on growing a dick any time soon?”

“No,” Gemma snorts.

“Then, I’m afraid he’s already got you beat, love,” Louis tells her with a straight face and a nonchalant shrug.

“I’ll beat _you_ ,” Gemma says lunging for Louis and just missing as the boy laughs and jumps out of the way. She chases him, catching his arm and knocking him down onto her bed where she tickles him into submission.

“Fine! I’ll always like you better!” Louis promises through his laughter. In a way it’s true, he’ll never like Harry the way he likes Gemma. It’s a very different kind of emotion that he feels for that boy.

“You’d better,” Gemma threatens with a punch to his shoulder before she flops down next to him.

She waits until both of their breaths have settled before speaking again. “Seriously, you should have told me.”

“I know,” Louis agrees feeling the ache come back to his stomach.

Gemma turns to look at him and Louis returns the favour.

“Is it serious?” She asks, eyes begging him to tell the truth for once and he’s grateful that he actually can. She’s given him the perfect reason to.

“Yeah,” he says as Gemma takes his hand that rests between them and holds it in her own. “It is for me.”

“You don’t think it is for him?”

Louis can see a sadness in her eyes, sadness that’s there for him, and he realizes quite suddenly how much he’s missed his best friend. “I don’t know,” he lies. The lie hurts more than telling the truth, he thinks. Just saying it, getting it out there that Harry’s not in love with him might give him the push he needs to not love Harry quite so much. God, when did he realize that he’d absolutely fallen for the boy? It’s just, letting the thought linger in the back of his mind that Harry only wants him for the sex, for what Louis can teach him, instead of saying it, that just makes Louis hope for the possibility that maybe he’s gotten it all wrong. Maybe Harry could love him too. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m sorry, Lou.”

Louis shrugs, turning away. He doesn’t want to see the pity in Gemma’s eyes anymore. “It is what it is, right? I’ll take what I can get.”

“Lou,” Gemma starts but Louis really doesn’t want to hear that “it’ll be okay” or “you deserve better”.

“I should get home,” he interrupts before Gemma can say any more, sitting up. “Zayn’s coming by in a bit and we’re going to finish up our Christmas shopping.”

“Will you come by again later?” Gemma asks as Louis stands and moves to the door.

“Why don’t you come to mine?” Louis suggests instead. “The girls will be thrilled to see you.”

“Okay,” Gemma agrees, following Louis to the door. She stops when Louis stops with his hand on the doorknob and turns back to her.

“Will you give me a minute to talk to Harry before you come down? I think he was as scared of telling you as I was. Just give me a minute to make sure he’s okay, please,” Louis implores.

Gemma sighs and rolls her eyes. “Fine. Not that either of you prats deserve it.”

“Thank you,” Louis tells her sincerely as he wraps her in one more hug before disappearing out her door.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Harry jumps up from the sofa as Louis descends the stairs. He’s fully dressed in his most comfy clothes. He’s not looking forward to the bollocking he knows is coming his way but when it happens, he’ll be damned if he’s not going to be comfortable for it.

“Is everything okay? What did she say?” He asks as soon as he sees it’s Louis and not Gemma coming his way.

Louis takes Harry’s hand and pulls him to the front door with him. “She thinks we’re boyfriends. In the interest of saving my life _and_ my dick, I let her believe it. Please, Harry. _Please_ play along,” Louis begs.

“Yeah, of course, Lou,” Harry agrees easily.

“Thank you,” Louis breathes out, relieved that his dick gets to stay firmly between his legs for another day. “I’ve got to go. I have plans with Zayn but I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow, right?”

“Oh,” Harry says, obviously disappointed that Louis is leaving. He wishes he were better at hiding his feelings but he’s never been that kind of person. His heart is always right out on his sleeve, where everyone can see it. Why doesn’t Louis? Or maybe he does, he just doesn’t want to. The thought is sobering. “Yeah, dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

At the sound of footsteps on the stairs, Louis decides a little boyfriendly embellishment to their usual goodbye is appropriate at the moment. He pulls Harry in with both hands to his cheeks and kisses him. He puts everything he feels for the boy behind their kiss now that he has an excuse to, tasting Harry’s lips before pushing past them and licking into his mouth. Harry’s hands find his hips automatically and pull him closer, digging his nails into the fabric of Louis’ jeans as Louis kisses him harder.

Louis breaks the kiss, ducking back in for one more peck to Harry’s mouth before he’s pulling the door open and grinning slyly. “Later, _boyfriend_.”

“Later, Lou,” Harry repeats, visibly still a bit dazed from the kiss Louis has just laid on him.

Louis closes the door behind him and Harry just stands there staring at it for a minute, grin growing on his face with each passing second. He turns when he hears the stairs creak and finds Gemma staring back at him.

He gestures to the door still wearing that dopey grin on his face. “That was my boyfriend.”

Gemma rolls her eyes and shakes her head at the two boys. “ _Idiots_ ,” she mutters, turning to go back to her room.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Louis thinks it’s safe to say that he and Harry are having a little too much fun with the whole “boyfriends” thing. For Louis, it’s a bit like a dream come true. For Harry, it appears to be an excuse to touch Louis nearly any time he wants. It had already been decided that Louis would join them for dinner for Gemma’s return home and Harry’s been teasing him under the table the whole time. Hand sneaking up his thigh, making Louis laugh as he pushes Harry’s roaming fingers off. He hopes it just looks like Harry’s tickling his side or something.

“So, how long have you two been together?” Gemma asks as she passes the potatoes to her mother.

Both boys freeze, eyes darting from Gemma to Harry’s mother and then step-father.

“Um,” Harry doesn’t seem to know what to say as he turns to Louis with wide eyes.

“Uh, well,” Louis contributes, clearing his throat. “We…” He’s not sure what to say either.

“Do go on, Louis, dear,” Anne urges with an arched brow as she looks from Louis to her son. “I’d like to know as well.”

Despite the fact that Anne spoke to Louis, all eyes appear to be on Harry. He thinks he knows why and takes a deep breath. “So, I might, maybe, be a little bit bisexual?”

There’s no real reason to be nervous, he knows they don’t care if he’s gay or bisexual or asexual. Louis’ gay and they still love _him_. Harry knows his parents will love their own son no matter what but there’s still an undeniable tremor in his gut as he waits for his family’s response. Louis takes his hand under the table and Harry holds on tight, grateful that he understands.

“Well, that was a bit anti-climactic, finding out _after_ learning that you have a boyfriend,” Robin rumbles from the head of the table. “Are you going to answer your sister’s question now?”

Harry’s eyes narrow of their own accord. He’s confused. Of course, he knew his family wouldn’t _mind_ that he’s not as straight as they probably all thought he was, but Robin seems to genuinely _not care_. Like, _at all_. That’s weird, right?

He looks to Louis but Louis looks like he’s still slightly panicking because it never occurred to either of them that they might have to lie to Harry’s parents. Harry shakes off his doubts and raises Louis’ hand that he’s still holding to his lips, kissing the back and answering in hopes of calming the other boy. “About a month and a half.” It’s how long they’ve been having sex anyway. It’s close enough to the truth.

Louis looks up at the press of Harry’s lips to his hand, sees Harry trying to take the weight off his shoulders as he answers and feels his own chest grow warmer as he falls just a little bit more for his sweet, beautiful, oblivious friend. Louis doesn’t even realize he’s smiling until Harry grins back and there’s that hint of something in his eyes that Louis doesn’t dare try to name in case he’s wrong.

“Ha!” Anne’s loud exclamation breaks their gazes from each other as they turn to look at her, befuddled by her sudden cry. All is soon made clear when she lays her open palm on the table next to Robin. “I told you they didn’t _just_ get together. Pay up, dear.”

“Mum!” Harry cries. “You were betting on us?”

“Think of it more as rooting for you,” Anne answers with a wink as Robin grumbles and pulls out his wallet, handing over whatever money they had apparently agreed upon.

Harry wasn’t even aware that they’d been around his mum enough for her to pick up on anything. Or maybe it was him disappearing to Louis’ house all the time that had her suspecting something. Either way, he wonders if he should feel bad that Robin shouldn’t technically be losing. _Nah._

“Well, since we helped you win, Louis and I should get half of that,” Harry tells his mum, reaching to snatch the money from her hand.

“Ah, ah,” she tuts, crumpling the notes in her fist and pulling away before Harry can get his hands on it. “Nice try, love.”

And just like that, Harry’s out to his family and Louis’ been accepted as more than just Gemma’s gay best friend. It’s nice. Harry just wishes it were real.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The following week passes in a blur of guests, laughter, kisses, and boyfriendly interaction. Louis is so far gone at this point, he’s almost ready to start believing that he and Harry are actually boyfriends himself. He doesn’t know if it’s fate or coincidence but they somehow keep ending up under every piece of mistletoe they come across. He can’t really say he minds though, kissing Harry and not having to hold anything back because this is what’s expected of him isn’t exactly a hardship. He’s Harry’s boyfriend as far as everyone around him is concerned, he’s _supposed_ to be soppy and in love.

For his birthday, Harry gives Louis another amazing blowjob and Louis makes Harry come on just his fingers. Twice. And then kisses him silly until they both pass out from exhaustion. It’s the best birthday ever.

 

~*~*~*~

 

As Louis’ already accidentally led his mother to believe he was dating Harry, there isn’t a second big reveal when both families get together on Christmas day. Louis’ mother just gives him a smirk, like she knew it all along, when she sees them being overly affectionate. Louis rolls his eyes at her fondly and otherwise ignores it. He doesn’t want to think about what she’ll say when Gemma goes back to school and Harry and Louis suddenly aren’t boyfriends anymore. He doesn’t want to think about Gemma going back to school at all. It’s not even all about losing this perfect, perfectly-fake relationship with Harry. He’ll miss having his best friend as his side as well.

He tucks himself in between Harry and Gemma on the sofa as everyone gathers around the Tomlinson Christmas tree to open presents. As usual, Gemma gets gifts from all of Louis’ sisters. She’s brilliant at making each of Louis’ sisters feel their gift is loved and appreciated even when they’re silly, handmade bracelets and things that there’s no way she’s going to be able to keep track of once she gets back to uni. But if Louis thought Gemma was good, she’s nothing compared to Harry. His eyes shine with happiness at even the smallest, simplest gifts like Daisy’s handmade coupon for “one free hug”. He redeems it immediately, squeezing Louis’ little sister tightly and thanking her profusely because “hugs are a wonderful gift, Daisy.”

Since it’s Christmas and she’s feeling generous she tells Harry to hold on to the coupon to use when he _really_ needs it. He thanks her again and pulls out his wallet, tucking the slip of paper inside for safe keeping. Louis can’t help himself, really. As soon as Harry’s wallet is tucked back into his pocket and he’s no longer otherwise engaged, Louis leans over and presses a kiss to Harry’s lips. Harry immediately purses his lips to reciprocate and Louis loves him so much. It’s a bit terrifying just how much, he’s realizing.

“What was that for?” Harry asks with a sweet smile indenting his cheeks when Louis pulls back.

Louis looks away. “Just because.”

Harry thinks his heart skips a beat. There’s no valid reason to be faking a kiss just now. No one’s looking anymore. And ‘Just Because’ kisses aren’t a thing that they do. However, Harry is perfectly happy to change that. He press a hand to the back of Louis’ neck and pulls him in again as Robin opens a gift on the other side of the room. He licks into Louis’ mouth, Louis accepting him readily, kissing him back fervently like there’s nothing he’d rather be doing than this.

“Oi, _lovebirds_!” Gemma elbows Louis, breaking them apart just as a gift goes sailing past Louis and nearly collides with Harry’s head. He ducks just in time, bumping his head into Louis’ instead.

“Ow,” Louis complains, glaring at Lottie who’s giggling behind her hand from her seat next to the tree where she’s been passing out presents.

“Are you okay, babe?” Harry asks, giving no thought to the bump on his own head while he checks out Louis’, pressing a kiss to the slight injury when he determines that it’s not all that bad. “You’ll live.”

“Thanks, darling,” Louis replies, giving Harry’s forehead a rather loud, sloppy kiss of his own and then turning his attention to the thrown gift. It’s his gift that he’d gotten Harry. He’d been afraid of giving it to the boy before the whole pretending to be boyfriends situation happened. He was certain it would give away his feelings, but now that they’re in this relationship of sorts, he supposes it’s okay.

“Hey, it’s from you,” Harry murmurs as he picks the gift up. “I’m assuming that it’s nothing fragile.”

“You know me better than that. I would have broken it just trying to get it wrapped,” Louis responds, leaning into Harry’s side.

“Yeah, I know,” Harry returns with a fond grin that turns into a laugh when Louis shoves him in mock offense.

“Open it already, slowcoach!” Gemma urges from Louis’ other side.

Harry sighs dramatically and rips into the paper until there’s a small, white box in his hands. He fumbles with the box for a few minutes, trying to get past Louis’ excessive taping job. “Did you _want_ me to see what’s inside?” he complains playfully to Louis as Robin hands over a pocket knife so that he can cut through the tape. He does so wordlessly and closes the knife carefully, handing it back when he’s done.

Slowly, the box is opened and Louis can’t take his eyes off Harry’s face as he looks inside.

“ _Lou_ ,” Harry whispers in awe as he pulls out the necklace. “It looks just like it.”

“Is that—That looks like the necklace Dad gave you. The one you lost at that concert we went to a few years ago,” Gemma says, leaning around Louis to get a look at it.

Harry remembers that concert like it was yesterday. Gemma had begged for tickets so that she and Louis could go see The Script and their mum had only agreed if they would take Harry as well. He’d loved the band and was thrilled to go with Gemma and her best friend that Harry had looked up to. It had been crowded, everyone pushing and pulling everyone else but it was so much fun hanging out with Louis and Gemma that Harry barely noticed. At least, not until he’d realized his necklace was missing. It was one of the few things he still had of his father’s since their parents had gotten divorced.  Losing it had turned an amazing experience into a night of regret. Louis had helped him look for it long after the concert was over and Gemma was ready to leave. She’d still been angry at his father at the time so he didn’t really blame her for not realizing what it meant to him.

“I know it’s probably not _your_ necklace, but I saw it in a pawnshop a few weeks ago and I remembered how upset you were when you lost it,” Louis explains with a self-conscious shrug of his shoulders.

Harry looks up from the necklace in his hands, eyes brimming with emotion as he gazes at Louis. “I didn’t think you remembered that.”

Louis shrugs again. “You were devastated. How could I forget?”

“Will you put it on me?” Harry asks, holding out the piece of jewelry for Louis to take. He fastens it around Harry’s neck with slightly trembling hands.

“Done,” he tells Harry so the boy knows he can turn around again. When he does, Louis finds himself with his arms full of one watery-eyed Harry Styles.

“I love it, Lou. Thank you so much,” Harry says, sniffling into Louis’ neck as he holds his friend tightly.

“You’re welcome, love.”

“Okaaaay,” Lottie draws everyone’s attention away from them and back to the gifts. “That’s enough of _that_. Phoebe, open this one. It’s from me.”

Harry doesn’t let go of Louis, even when the moment’s over for everyone else. And Louis’ isn’t really complaining. He would gladly spend the rest of the day in Harry’s arms.

“I’m glad you like it, Haz,” Louis pulls away from Harry’s neck to lay a kiss to his cheek.

 Harry smiles at the little kiss Louis’ left behind and then leans in to steal another for his lips, loosening his hold on the other boy so that he can capture his face in both hands. “I know it probably seems like such a small thing to you, but you don’t even know how much this necklace means to me, Lou.”

“I think I have an idea,” Louis tells Harry, tugging on a stray curl.

 Harry kisses him hard, pressing every part of his soul into Louis and not caring a single iota if pieces of it linger behind on the other boys’ lips, or in his hands, or wrapped around his heart. He hopes they do.

“Hey, Lou,” Lottie interrupts again. It’s probably a good thing because Harry is _this close_ to declaring his undying love. “This one’s for you,” she says when she has her brother’s attention.

“Throw it here.” Louis holds his hands out and the toss is good, he catches his gift easily.

“That’s from me,” Harry says quietly, looking nervous all of a sudden. Louis gives him a reassuring smile and rips the paper off the package. His jaw drops and he looks at Harry with a mixture of amusement and betrayal.

The room goes quiet as everyone sees the box Louis’ holding. The silence is only broken when Gemma snorts into the hand she’s holding over her mouth.

“Harold! Really?” Anne scolds from her seat next to Robin and Harry can’t help but laugh at the situation. Jay and Fizzy immediately move to distract the twins from the spectacle.

“Open the box,” he instructs through his giggles.

“I think I know what condoms look like, Harry,” Louis says wryly, shaking his head at the other boy’s _totally inappropriate_ sense of humor.

“It’s a joke, Louis. I didn’t actually get you condoms, now open the box.”

Louis does as he’s told and opens the box. He reaches in and pulls out two concert tickets for The Fray. Louis’ mind possibly blanks a little at the idea of going to a concert, just him and Harry. It looks an awful lot like a date in his imagination.

“I know they’re your favourite band,” Harry explains. “They’re going to be in Manchester in February. I thought maybe you and Gemma could go together.”

Right. Gemma. Because he and Harry won’t be boyfriends in February. Hell, they may not even be friends then. Who knows what will happen when Louis runs out of things to teach him.

“Thanks, Harry.” Louis tries to put as much warmth and sincerity as he can into his words and the hug that he shares with Harry. Trying not to let the reminder of everything they aren’t taint the thoughtful gift Harry has given him. At least he knows he’ll be seeing his best friend again soon after she returns to her life without him. “That’s so sweet of you.”

There aren’t many gifts left and soon everyone is seated around the dining table for an early lunch. If Louis lets himself be extra clingy and affectionate with Harry for the rest of the day, no one is complaining.

Well, _Harry_ isn’t complaining.

 

~*~*~*~

 

New Years sucks.

Louis is already in the wrong frame of mind when he drags Gemma and Harry to Stan Lucas’ end of year party. He’s moody because Gemma’s leaving again the next day and whatever’s been happening with Harry for the past two weeks is nearing the end as well. He’s about to lose everything and he’s not at all happy about it. He wants to get drunk but neither of his friends will hear of it.

“Louis, are you okay?” Gemma pulls Louis aside to ask.

“Of course I’m not okay. My best friend is about to abandon me again,” he answers petulantly.

Gemma is not fazed by Louis’ pouting. “Technically, you abandoned me first.”

Louis sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m just not having a good night. And I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”

“If it helps,” Gemma offers with a sympathetic grin, “I’d stay if I could.”

Louis engulfs her in a hug, holding her snugly and trying to just be grateful for their last night together for a while. “I know.”

“And your night can’t be too bad,” Gemma suggests with a wink, “at least you know you have someone to kiss at midnight.”

That’s true. For one last night, Louis gets to pretend that Harry’s his boyfriend. It’s going to hurt more than he thinks he can bear when it’s all over but for tonight, at least, Harry is still his. And he’s going to make the most of it.

“You’re right,” Louis insists, clasping Gemma’s hand in his own. “Let’s go find my boyfriend.”

Harry is pleasantly surprised when Louis’ mood seems to have turned right around. He’s sweet and bubbly, holding Harry’s hand all night and giving him numerous ‘just because’ kisses. Harry’s loving it.

When midnight rolls around, they’re outside where it’s quieter and Louis stares into his eyes for the countdown, a serene smile on his lips just before those lips are pressed against Harry’s. He feels Louis grip hold of him tightly, fingers lost in Harry’s curls as he sparks constellations behind the younger boys eyelids where they’re clenched tightly with hopes and wishes. He doesn’t stop with one kiss. Or two. He kisses Harry like he never intends to stop and Harry thinks he’d be okay with that.

“Lou?” Harry manages to speak between kisses.

“Hmm?” Louis hums his acknowledgement into Harry’s lips, not wanting to give them up for a single second but forcing himself to a moment later so that Harry can get his question out.

“Will you be my first? Tonight?” Harry asks, biting his lip fearfully, uncertain if what he’s asking is okay. He knows that virginity is just a social construct but it still feels like a big deal, asking Louis to share this with him. Because he believes that you should have intercourse for the first time when it means something, when you feel something powerful and infinite for the other person and he’s never felt about anyone the way he feels about Louis. He loves Louis, and in this moment, it feels a little like Louis might love him back.

His heart rolls over in his chest when Louis takes a step back from him.

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis mourns, sounding like _he’s_ the one being rejected. But he’s not. “No. I can’t do that.”

“Oh,” Harry manages before his heart shatters entirely.

“I think,” Louis runs a hand through his hair as the other bunches into a fist at his side to keep him from reaching out to Harry again. He’s not sure he could resist if he touched Harry right now. “I think you don’t need me anymore, to teach you things. I think we’re done with that. I’m sure you’ve learned enough to figure out what you want, now. And you said yourself, Harry, you should do that with someone you care about.”

“I would be,” Harry says, eyes on the ground.

Louis hears it even though Harry’s barely speaking loud enough to be heard over the party. He wishes he hadn’t because it sets his heart alight with sparks of sorrow. It’s not the kind of caring he would be hoping for and he can’t take this one last thing from Harry. Not when he’s doing it under false pretenses. Not when he’d break apart into a million irreversible pieces when it was all over. He can’t put that on Harry.

“I’m gonna go,” Louis gestures over his shoulder back inside the house. His only hope of not regretting everything in the morning is if he can somehow salvage their friendship. It’ll hurt to have Harry so close but he imagines that the pain will not nearly be as bad as losing him completely. “You can come over tomorrow to hang out, _just_ hang out. You know, if you still want to.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Harry nods slowly. Louis doesn’t believe him. He can’t seem to look at Louis, eyes trying to lift but always falling back to the ground before they reach Louis’ face.

Louis can’t resist taking back the space he’d given up only moments before, pulling Harry’s head down to press his lips to Harry’s forehead. “I still don’t want to be a regret, love,” Louis whispers into his hair, one hand in Harry’s curls, holding him close.

Harry’s arms wrap around Louis’s waist when the older boy tries to release him and he drops down to rest his forehead on Louis’ shoulder. “Never,” he answers far too quietly for Louis to hear, eyes squeezed shut to fight the emotion threatening to spill out.

They hold each other until Gemma comes bounding out of the house looking for them. Louis doesn’t know if it’s been minutes or hours. He remembers saying he was going to leave but that’s apparently an impossible task, leaving Harry Styles.

The three of them leave the party together and end up passing out all together in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor of Gemma’s room. Louis thinks - _hopes-_ everything is okay between him and Harry. He can understand the boy being disappointed at Louis ending their ‘arrangement’ but, with any luck, that wasn’t all that was holding them together. Perhaps their friendship will survive relatively unscathed.

 

~*~*~*~

 

It isn’t until he’s standing on the other side of Louis’ front door that Louis realizes he wasn’t actually expecting Harry to show up today. Hope for the best but expect the worst, isn’t that how the saying goes?

He’d seen Gemma off this morning while the younger boy had gone to school and then he’d pulled himself together enough to go to work. They’d asked him to stay later but, for once, he’d turned them down, going home on time to watch his sisters while he gave Harry time. What exactly he was trying to give him time for, Louis isn’t sure. Maybe time to decide if their friendship is strong enough to keep nourishing even if they aren’t having sex.

“Hi,” Harry says, biting his bottom lip immediately after the word is out. He looks uncertain, as though he’s unsure if Louis actually wants him there.

“Hazza,” Louis answers with a friendly smile, reaching out to pull the boy into a hug. “I’m glad you came,” he confesses into Harry’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” Harry’s breath brushes against the side of Louis’ throat at the question.

"Always.”

Harry finally smiles back at that. 

“Are you hungry?” Louis asks, pulling Harry by the hand into the house and through to the kitchen. “I’m no _Chef Styles_ but I can make a sandwich if you’re up for it.”

“Sure.” The blush that rises on his cheeks as Louis’ chef comment is utterly adorable and Louis feels an undeniable urge to kiss the boy. He almost gives in before he remembers. They don’t do that anymore. That don’t do it because _Louis_ put a stop to it.

Louis makes them each a rough approximation of a sandwich to which Harry comments that he didn’t know people could exaggerate about the ability to put meat on bread but apparently that’s one of Louis’ talents.

“Hush, you,” Louis says, swatting at Harry and threatening to keep Harry’s ‘sandwich’ for himself.

Harry relents, giving Louis a brief and insincere apology that Louis, of course, accepts without question. It’s Harry. He’d accept the boy’s dirty laundry with a song in his heart should Harry offer it to him. It wouldn’t necessarily get _cleaned_ but that would be Harry’s fault for giving it to Louis in the first place.

They take their sandwiches to Louis’ room and sit down on Louis bed to watch television. It’s nice, the knowledge that they can still do this, that everything is okay between them. It’s also frustrating. Every brush of Harry’s arm against his, every sidelong glance just makes Louis want to turn and press every inch of himself against the other boy. But he can’t do that. Not anymore.

It seems like Harry must be able to see the direction that Louis’ thoughts are drifting because before long he’s ignoring the television in favour of addressing Louis. “I’m sorry,” he starts, clarifying when Louis looks at him with his brow furrowed in confusion. “For what I asked last night. I crossed a line that I don’t think you ever meant to be crossed.”

“It’s alright,” Louis promises. “I understand the desire to have your first time be with someone familiar, someone you trust. But I’m not actually your boyfriend, Harry. And I’d didn’t want to take something that you might decide later you wanted to give to someone else.”

Harry looks down at his hands where they’re clasped together in his lap, both sandwiches long finished and plates sitting on Louis’ side table. He knows that Louis is wrong. No matter who he sleeps with for the first time, he’ll always wish it had been Louis. Even if that’s all it is, one glorious night, he wants it. He was wrong too it seems; Louis may end up being one of Harry’s biggest regrets, just not in the way he fears. He doesn’t say any of that, letting Louis pull him close and throw an arm around his shoulders, both of them settling comfortably on the bed to watch Netflix.

Harry’s unable to concentrate and by the way Louis won’t lie still, Harry assumes he’s having the same problem.

“Louis?”

“Yeah, babe?”

The pet name hurts a little and he can tell Louis didn’t mean to use it when he sees him wince to himself. He does his best to ignore it and the pang of longing in his chest.

“What was your first time like?”

Louis sighs and rolls onto his side to face Harry, elbow resting on the bed, face on his palm. “Why do you ask?”

Harry shrugs. “Just curious.”

Louis looks down at the duvet they’re resting on, finger tracing some design that Harry doesn’t see.  “It was a bit of a blur, actually. Met a fit bloke at a party and we were both drunk. He was sweet. I remember that. And nervous. I think it was his first time too. Don’t really remember much about the actual deed, if I’m honest.”

“Why?”

Louis raises a brow at the question. “I think I already mentioned that I was sloshed, Haz.”

“No,” Harry shakes his head at Louis though he can’t really blame him for misunderstanding. “I mean, why a stranger at a party? Why didn’t you wait?”

“For that special someone?” Louis checks, a hint of sarcasm coloring his words.  “I wasn’t out yet, Harry. And, honestly, I kind of just wanted to get it over with.  Your first time is never going to be entirely pleasant, Haz. Also, I didn’t think I’d have a lot of options even if I did wait. I wasn’t exactly _mister popular_ back then. I suppose I was afraid of never finding someone.”

“That makes me sad.” Harry’s eyes verify his statement, melancholy radiating out at Louis from the depths of those green irises.

Louis gives him a pitiful attempt at a smile as he reaches to pluck at one of Harry’s curls. “Me too, Curly.”

“Louis?”

Harry doesn’t think he’s imagining the fact that they keep staring at each other, faces inching closer.

“What, love?”

“I still need you.” It’s barely more than a whisper but it’s also a thundering admission, all of Harry’s want for Louis bleeding through the words. But, just in case…“I’ll always need you. _Just._ You. I knew a long time ago that I wanted you to be my special someone.”

Louis blinks down at him from where he’s hovering over Harry now. It’s definitely not Harry’s imagination.

 "Are you absolutely positive?” Louis asks and Harry can see the fear in his eyes. “You want to be with me? For real?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Lou,” Harry promises, reaching up for Louis as Louis reaches down for him. “Be my boyfriend?”

“Yes! Yes. Oh, thank god,” Louis sighs in relief. “I didn’t think I could last another minute without kissing you.”

Louis swallows up Harry’s laughter as he finally gives in to the urges he’s been having all night. Harry holds Louis to him, their bodies pressing together, Louis’ left leg tucked between Harry’s as they kiss. Louis hums in pleasant surprise when Harry’s hand sneaks into the back of his trousers, grasping his bum and giving it a squeeze. That’s enough for Louis to decide that if they’re doing this, they’re doing it now. Haven’t they both waited long enough?

He leans back from Harry, enough to unfasten his trousers and push them down his legs along with his pants. “I’m a horrible big brother,” he says only briefly letting his mind flicker to the sisters he’s supposed to be watching downstairs.

“The worst,” Harry agrees, following suit and ridding himself of his clothing, his shirt gone the second his trousers hit the floor.

“Well, you didn’t have to agree with me so quickly there, darling,” Louis scoffs, dropping his discarded shirt to pick up a pillow and bop Harry over the head with it.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says through his giggles, holding his hands up to stop the next attack. “I’m sorry! You’re the _best_ big brother.”

“I bet you tell that to all the boys.” Louis drops the pillow and reaches for Harry’s dick instead.

“Only the one I call ‘boyfriend’,” Harry replies with a smirk, grabbing Louis’ neck and pulling him down into a soul-searing kiss that ends up with Harry just breathing into Louis’ mouth as Louis strokes his dick.

“Please, Lou. Please. Your fingers,” Harry all but begs.

Louis lets go of Harry’s dick and leans away from him to reach into his side table and pull out the lube and a condom. Harry uses the distraction to admire Louis’ bum, hands roaming freely over the tanned flesh.

“Sure you don’t want to fuck _me_ instead of the other way around?” Louis asks with a knowing grin.

Harry stares at Louis arse, considering the question. “That’s what happened your first time, isn’t it?”

“Yeah?” Louis has no idea why Harry’s talking about that again.

“Then, not yet,” he decides, caressing Louis’ cheek as he speaks. “I want you to show me what to do first and then next time, when I do it to you, I want you to imagine it’s the first time. I want to get it right, Lou. I want to give you the first time you deserve.”

“Why are you so perfect?” Louis wonders aloud, cutting off any reply Harry would have made with the press of his lips and a flick of his tongue. “So fucking sweet.”

He thanks Harry for being exactly who he is by licking deep into his mouth as he presses a slick finger inside of him. He takes it slow, knowing how much Harry likes being taken apart by Louis’ fingers. Pushing in a second finger only when Harry’s begging for it, scissoring them carefully and driving Harry crazy with need.

“More,” Harry pleads, breaths coming quick and shallow. “Please, Lou. I need more.”

“It’s alright, babe,” Louis placates as he presses a third finger past Harry’s rim. “I’ve got you.”

Louis spends a few minutes fucking Harry with three fingers. He’s considering going for a fourth when Harry starts begging for his cock.

“Do it. Fuck me, Lou. No more fingers. I want your cock,” He breathes out, “Please. Please.”

Louis rips the condom open using his teeth and rolls it on carefully, reaching for the lube once more to make himself nice and slick for Harry.  “I’m coming, babe,” he says so that Harry knows he’s hurrying.

“You better not be,” Harry jokes lazily as Louis positions himself between Harry’s legs.

Louis groans. “You’re awful.”

“You won’t be saying that when you’re inside me,” Harry argues sitting up so that he can reach behind Louis, grabbing his arse with both hands to physically pull him closer. “Now, please.”

 “Do you want to flip over?” Louis asks, not wanting to hurt his boyfriend no matter how bad his jokes might be. “It might be easier for you on your hands and knees.”

 Harry shakes his head, declining the offer and raising his legs, knees spread to afford Louis better access. “Can’t kiss you that way.”

"Aww,” Louis leans down to peck Harry’s mouth briefly before pulling back to watch as he guides himself inside of Harry. He only pushes in small increments, kissing his boyfriend a little deeper when he sees Harry wince at the intrusion. “Try to relax, love,” Louis instructs. Taking Harry’s dick in hand again seems to be a good way to distract him from the sharp feeling of being stretched and soon Louis’ hips are pressed against Harry’s arse as far as they’ll go. He still doesn’t move inside the other boy, kissing down Harry’s neck and stopping to pay a little love to his taut nipples.

“Lou,” Harry pulls at his hair. “I think you can move now.”

Louis pulls out a little and pushes back in, never removing his mouth from Harry’s chest.

“Ohhh, _yes_ ,” Harry gasps, wrapping his legs loosely around Louis’ waist.

Louis starts thrusting to the beat of Harry’s heart, keeping up the cadence even when he can’t feel it against his cheek anymore, moving to capture Harry’s muttering mouth again. He pistons his hips, loving the feel of Harry, tight and perfect around his cock.

“Yeah. Lou,” Harry gasps between kisses. “Oh _my_ — I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what, baby?” Louis asks when Harry’s lips stop being responsive to his kisses, too busy uttering what sounds like nonsense so far.

“Didn’t know it would feel like this,” Harry answers, hands now firm against Louis’ back like he expects that to keep Louis buried inside him. “Having sex with someone you love. So glad I got to have this with you. Never want it any other way.”

Louis’ pace falters just a little because he’s pretty sure Harry just accidentally told him he loves him. His chest warms from the inside out and he renews his thrusts, determined to give Harry his best orgasm yet. He uses his left hand to hold himself up and reaches for Harry’s dick with his other hand, stroking as best he can in time with his thrusts. Honestly, he’s not good at keeping time with two instruments at once but it seems good enough for Harry, who comes over Louis’ fingers in seconds with a silent cry.

He clenches around Louis as his orgasm is fucked out of him and Louis doesn’t have to keep thrusting long before he’s following after Harry. Which is good because he was seriously running out of stamina, not entirely used to being on top.

Louis pulls out as delicately as possible and gets the condom off, tying it quickly and getting up to throw it in the rubbish in the bathroom and grab them a wet flannel. He wipes the come off his hand and does his best to get most of the lingering lube off of Harry, tossing the flannel on top of the plates on his side table when he’s done and sinking into his boyfriend’s side.

Harry makes Louis sit up for a second so he can lay his arm out for Louis to lay on, wrapping it around his neck to pull him close enough to press a kiss to his head. “That was incredible.”

“Yeah,” Louis agrees easily. “And you were right, you know,” he adds, waiting for Harry’s eyes to meet his before continuing. “It _is_ better with someone you love. I didn’t know it could be like that either.”

Harry’s smile lights up his face as he realizes that Louis’ just told him that he loves him too. He’d been afraid he’d said too much in the throes of passion. Apparently, Louis didn’t think so.

There’s a loud thump from downstairs that makes Louis remember that he has actual responsibilities he’s supposed to be taking care of.

“I have to get dressed and go back downstairs to take care of my sisters. Will you stay with me?” Louis asks as he reluctantly slides out of bed.

“Yeah, of course,” Harry answers, sitting up with a wince as he feels a twinge in his backside.

Louis doesn’t miss it, grinning knowingly. “I’ll find you something extra comfy to wear.”

He gives Harry a pair of oversized joggers that typically cover his feet when he wears them and a t-shirt that he sleeps in sometimes. Once dressed, Louis holds Harry’s hand as they go downstairs to check on the girls.

Everyone seems to have all of their digits and the house isn’t on fire so Louis thinks things are going pretty well when the two boys take seats next to each other on the sofa. They settle in to watch a movie with the girls, only Lottie seeming to notice the clothing change as she keeps giving them funny looks.

About half-way through the film, when the mousy main character’s secret crush on the popular guy is revealed, it occurs to Louis that he still doesn’t know who it was that sent Harry seeking his help in discovering his sexuality.

“Hey, Harry?”

“Yes, babe?” Harry asks with a proud smile. He gets to call Louis pet names and know that they actually mean something now.

“Will you tell me who it was? The guy that you liked enough to seek out help from a professional gay man?” Louis asks with a teasing lilt to his mouth.

The light in Harry’s eyes dims as wariness replaces his previous joy. “Why do you want to know?”

“I dunno. Maybe I want to send him a fruit basket,” Louis suggests with a shrug of one shoulder.

“Well, you'll definitely know where to deliver it,” Harry mumbles, running his hands through his already messy hair.

“What does that mea- wait, are you telling me that it’s someone I know?” Louis questions. Because if that’s the case, that it’s someone from here that they both know, someone who goes to Harry’s school, it can really only be one person.

“Does it really matter, Louis,” Harry asks, cuddling closer to his boyfriend and taking his hand again, “when it’s quite obvious now to anyone who cares to look that I only have eyes for you?”

Louis can see Lottie and Fizzy in his peripheral vision, nodding along their agreement but he’s stubborn. He’s always been stubborn and he’ll always _be_ stubborn. “It’s Zayn, isn’t it?”

Phoebe squawks from where she sits on the other side of the room, gaze moving from the television to glare at the back of Harry's head but she's mostly ignored. 

 “Come here,” Harry says instead of answering, pulling Louis in by the front of his shirt to give him the snog of his life. Their lips smack loudly when they pull apart a good minute and a half later and Harry graces Louis with his cockiest smirk. "Zayn _who_?”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. If you find yourself moved to comment, feel free to do so here or you can find me on tumblr  
> [here](http://suddenclarityharry.tumblr.com/).


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